How soon is too soon

[GraceH24]

Hi,

Safe to say I've had the worst 3 weeks ever. Me and my now ex have a little boy 11 months, and we're trying for number 2 (his idea). Thought everything was going perfectly, happy family.

Turns out he was asking his ex for one last shag 🙄 he's lied to me a few times in the past but that all "stopped" 18months ago. Theres a high chance he's been unfaithful from the start. I have no more forgiveness left in me. Feel like our whole relationship has just been a joke.

My question is when is it appropriate to move on? Now I'm not on about jumping into a new relationship straight away, more of when would it be appropriate to have fun and maybe go on a few dates? I just feel so worthless and could do with a boost of confidence. Just something to reassure me that I'm not going to be on my own forever. Single mum at 27 doesn't exactly sound appealing 😔

Whenever you like OP! He's the one who has been unfaithful and let you down. You don't owe him anything.

What about concentrating on your baby for now?
There's plenty of time for partying when you have settled down as a responsible parent.

Whenever you like, but honestly, dating may not the boost you need. Sort your own head out and work on your own self worth, rather than seeking validation from men

You need to find ways to boost your confidence and feel worthy without outsourcing it to whomever you are dating/in a relationship with. If that’s your reasoning for wanting to date I’d say stay well, well clear for a good long while yet. You don’t need a specific timeframe.

I’d suggest deliberately saying you are Not Dating Anyone for the foreseeable future. Put the effort you would put into dating into yourself - treat yourself like a relationship - work on your self care, self esteem, physical/mental/emotional health, your home, your child. Think, read, write. Take time for yourself, put yourself first (once your child’s needs are met, obviously!).

I did this for a while (took me several failed short relationships after my big relationship breakdown to come to the realisation it was necessary though). It has made such a difference. You will never be in a relationship with anyone for as long as you are with yourself - you have to sort that out first.

I second what Kyvia said. Speaking as someone who's self worth has always been linked to what others think of me (men). Not a healthy way of boosting ones self esteem. Let him crack on in his own fucked up way. Move forward without looking back.

What Kyvia said.

I think the biggest risk is that if these are crap experiences they could make you feel even worse. I did a similar thing coming out of a relationship and my date was such an arsehole that I nearly went back to my ex as I thought everyone would be the same. I think before you go back into dating you need to feel ready for the knocks.
However having said all that I did have a very confidence boosting fling (weekend) with an old flame where we both knew where we stood but looking back even that had the potential to go wrong if I’d developed more feelings for him or got my hopes up it’d be more.

@Monty27 I am a responsible parent already thank you very much. I go to work at 3 am then come home at 9am to look after my child all day. I'm pretty much doing this on my own.

Just because I was thinking about carving sometime out for myself doesn't mean my main focus isn't my son

Definitely go out and have fun!
But don't let men validate you, that must come from within.
The only person that can make you truly happy is yourself.
@Kyvia has some solid advice.
Love yourself more.

OP no offence was meant. Try and focus another way. You're not going to be able to do much socially so yearning for it is futile.
Put your all into the now and you will reap the benefits later.

I’m in a similar position. Separated from my husband but I talk to this amazing man and for now we’re just friends. If I’m honest with myself it’s only the judgement from others that stops me jumping on him 😂😂 it’s whenever you feel it’s ok

Remember that people have feelings. Don't go on dates unless you're fully over your ex or unless you make it very clear you're not ready for a relationship.

When you have been hurt in the last relationship, it is wise to give your self some time to process what has gone on and let your feelings recover before starting a new relationship as you will bring to much emotional crap with you and could end up with someone not right for you. Howerever if you can see people without getting emotionally attached, then go out and have fun. You don't need to have someones interest in you to feel validated. Your ex was an idiot and its not your fault that he behaved the way he did. I was in a 10 Yr abusive relationship and gave myself over 2 years before I dipped my toe in the relationship pool but I was by no means a nun. I think you should focus on this new chapter and enjoying making it a better one.