Partners depression

[whattodoabou]

I have a partner of 10 years and he has always struggled with his mental health but he did attend counselling previously and said it really helped.

In the past 3 years or so we have had a lot of life changes - he left his job and we had a child. His depression has got worse and worse since then and I don't know what to do.

He keeps leaving jobs and lying in bed for days complaining about how he's not trained for anything (he is) and he will never get another job and life has passed him by, he should have been great but it's all his parents fault etc. I have very limited patience for this, but he did live in a home with DV and that has affected him (I did too and don't dwell on it so that probably affects the level of sympathy I'm willing to give him)

A couple of months ago he went on a rare night out and drove home after drinking. He crashed my car and was arrested and has been banned from driving for a year. He was very contrite at the time, gave up drinking, apologised to me for being so hateful and selfish all the time and everything was great for a bit.

But now it's slipped back into the way it was. He's drinking again, he's angry at me all the time, angry at his friends all the time, barely wants to speak to anyone including me. Won't do anything around the house, does the bare minimum with DS. Barely gets out of bed at weekends. It's so hurtful. Living with this has affected my own mental health so badly that I'm on medication but he won't take medication. He just says what's the point. After the crash he said he would go to the doctor, I made him an appointment and he wouldn't go ( he was working though)

I don't know how to improve things. I'm sick of walking on egg shells. I'm sick of having no affection or kindness from my partner. I can't get him to go to the doctor, even if he does get tablets he won't take them. If anyone has any ideas I would really appreciate it.

Im sorry to hear this op. Basically he needs to seek help. You cant help him if he doesnt want to heelp himself. Ur mental health is going out the window. Its not fair and you needn't put up with it. Ultimatum time.

He was contrite after the crash because he was afraid you would break up with him.

I feel for you as I too have a husband with depression ptsd and anxiety. He is seeking help but it's not helping its making things worse. He's just not coping. We separated housing condition last year as we couldn't cope with him any longer and he kept saying he needed his own space so we did it and sorted him out. Although now he's feeling really low as he feels like we all don't want to know him. Which isn't true we just can't cope at times. This has been ongoing since I met him 20 years ago through the death of his first wife. I'm second wife and step parent to his kids who are now adults. It's so hard to make things work when they seem so self propelled to destruct everything band everyone around them. I know he doesn't mean to be like this but I also think he's got autism as it runs in the family as kids have it and his brothers too. Although undiagnosed some of them. I have anxiety and my own issues and need my own space but he won't let me have it as he needs to be needed what can I do. I'm at the point of no return and I don't want that

I don't know that I have advice as such OP because quite simply I left, I had to because i nearly made myself ill and catering to his endless circle of needs and moods and the lack of love was draining like nothing else I have experienced.

He won't even take medication and you are on it because of a situation you didn't cause. That's awful OP. Depression is a horrible illness, horrible, but don't let him take you with him if he isn't doing what he needs to do to stay afloat. The fact you have a child makes it all the more important to step back and look at what has been normalised for you and whether you want that for them.

Love doesn't always mean putting up with it in the name of and I often found that he was so impossible because he just wouldn't listen to anything or do anything that I inadvertently became an enabler to his isolated life by providing him somebody to 'always be there regardless'. He only sought help after I left.

I couldn't be with someone who drunk drove and only by the grace of god avoided killing another driver/pedestrian, never mind the rest of it. If he won't help himself, you can't help him either.