A month or so ago, I posted this thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3701440-New-bloke-Not-sure-Proceed-with-caution
I have been having a lovely time with this bloke - he'd been keen, attentive, fun, and our times together had been great. The last time we got together I told him that I didn't see myself being able to stay casual long term and that while I previously had been able to take it or leave it, I'd now rather take it. He didn't say much in response to this but later said he loved me during sex. It felt as though things may be progressing.
However the next week I sensed a slight cooling off on his side. Nothing major at all, just perhaps a little less initiation on his side, perhaps not so quck to reply as he had been. He could just have been busy. We were due to see eachother the next Monday and I didn't contact him all weekend - neither did he contact me. It was the longest we had been without contact since we met. I checked in with him Sunday night and all seemed ok for Monday. Then Monday afternoon I received a message from him saying he was ill and could we postpone? That he was looking forward to seeing me when we could rearrange (but he did not try to secure another date.)
If you read my previous thread you will know that this man has a reputation for being a bit of a player, and that after we had had what I first thought was a one night stand he had invited me to a festival but spent the first night socialising with others and not paying me much attention. Because of this behaviour I have been wary and swore if he ever blew cold again I would immediately end things. So that is what I have done.
On Monday after he cancelled I sent a message saying of course I understood he was ill but that I had sensed a distancing recently; that it really was ok if he had decided he didn't want a relationship, he hadn't done anything wrong, but that I would rather know. He messaged back saying he thought I didn't like blokes who bombarded me with messages and would speak with me after work.
But before he had even finished work I thought to myself, why am I bothering chasing this bloke for an explanation. I'm going to take control and finish things. So I told him I thought we'd better leave it, that I didn't do hot and cold, that there were no hard feelings and I was happy to be friends, but I was out. He messaged back saying on the contrary, he had been really starting to care and that he was actually amid thoughts on the best way to progress things between us. I ignored this message and we now haven't had any contact for days.
But surely people who want to progress things don't a) distance themselves, b) cancel dates (although I do accept he may really have been ill) and c) not fight for a relationship they want (I know I ignored his last message but I thought he'd try harder if he really cared?)
Full disclosure: I am dreadful at relationships. I am a chronically anxious attacher with a tendency to chase and cling and embarrass myself. I have been trying so very hard to treat myself with the respect I deserve and improve my relational behaviour. But I can be over sensitive. So I need some advice because my perception can be so off. Do I stay no contact with this bloke trusting that if he cares he will come to me? Or have I completely overreacted? Is he not that into me, or possibly feeling hurt himself? I just don't know.