Ghosted at 50 ... come help me learn from this

[Littlebitwiser]

FFS I'm a proper grown up 50 year old woman and somehow I managed to get myself in this situation.

Totally ignored all the red flags. Way too keen too early... massively over affectionate and involved ... questionable attitude and history to relationships.

For me it was just meant to be a bit of fun. He's totally unsuitable for a relationship so I thought it didn't matter that he wasn't relationship material. But the speed with which it went from love bombing to ghosting was brutal and I am feeling surprisingly hurt.

I've been single by choice for a long time now and, although it wasn't real, the experience has shown me that I would like a relationship.

Is this how dating is these days? And does anyone have any advice to help me do better next time?

So I really don’t understand how people in the 45-55 age bracket do this.
I don’t understand it either, you would hope that with maturity and life experience people would understand how wrong it is.

Woolybear he sounds like a right sample of rubbish. I can't believe you put up with him and didn't get rid earlier. Hope things have improved for you now.

Thank you Sandra15 , how are you? I am so happy 😃, he wouldn’t let me go when I wanted to go, told me when I moved out he’d rather kill me than let me go, now I’m healed I can see he did me a favour 😃😃😃 all in the past now and I’ve learned some lessons and learned from the lovely ladies who give support on here.

Hi littlebitwiser I'm in my fifties too and exactly the same thing happened to me just this weekend. I'm on the dating thread - you should come over and join us :) Loads of texts and calls over three weeks. Met for a picnic (he fell in love with me then apparently) Dinner at his house and all throughout saying he had met the one and that he would come off the site and couldn't believe it .... yada yada yada. I liked him enough, he is good-looking, got a rescue dog, can cook, not live too far away - I'm in France and everywhere is too far away. Invited him here last Saturday and we had a fantastic date, laughing, watching tv - a great night afterwards, really connected and breakfast chatting smiling (he even said he'd miss me when he went for a shower). Then when he came back down and I asked if he had any plans for next weekend he said he couldn't focus on the future and I asked if he was breaking up with me and he shrugged, looked away and then left. It was like a drive-by shooting, I swear to God. Not ghosted but brutal nonetheless. I will never understand why they pursue so relentlessly then this kind of thing.

I suspect it is largely down to immature men wanting to have girlfriend experiences. That is why it’s impossible to spot the red flags. These men are infatuated with seeing themselves as the perfect partner. So loving! So helpful! Such a good cook and attentive lover! They will throw themselves into this role until they tire of it with one woman and move on to the next.

I saw two men talking on an American podcast about breakups and new relationships. One of the men said his favorite part of a relationship is when he buys her diamond earrings! That is a man who is just going through relationships as though he is starring in his own movie. The women are thinking it’s a sign he’s seriously in love, getting attached, believing in the relationship. He’s just following a script that makes him feel good about himself.

I don’t believe any of us can avoid being ghosted. These fake relationships seem so real because the men involved are using them in order to feel real emotions. Unfortunately the range of real emotions they want to feel is narrow.