Ghosted by boyfriend/baby daddy

[Moxi02]

I don’t know how to handle everything going on in my life right now I feel so completely fucked to sum it all up I found out my boyfriend had lied to me about having to go away for a few weeks back to his country to get a student visa turns out he is doing a college semester abroad in Greece instead and won’t be home until December 21st I found this out through a secret Ig account he had made he found out I knew and texted me saying he was sorry that he hadn’t moved on he just wanted to get away for a bit then he blocked me texted me again the next day saying he’d let our daughter know that I tried to ruin the trip for him then blocked me again and we haven’t spoken since Which was two weeks ago (I had told him i didn’t want him going because my due date is the 19th and I’m having complications which means she’ll probably be here sooner than expected) I’m so devastated he lied to me for so long about going he promised me he wouldn’t leave me to give birth alone he told me we were fine in the relationship and that he loved me and would be back soon he lied to me for 4 months about this all I’m terrified of being a single 17 year old mother I never envisioned this I love him more than anything this is all really hurting me so badly I’ve known him since I was 12 he was my best friend on top of this all I’m 31 weeks pregnant and now completely alone I don’t understand how ghosting someone who is pregnant with your child is even remotely logical this all hurts so much I don’t know how to properly handle all of this honestly I just feel so unbelievably betrayed and beyond fucked at this point I just want him to come back I want him to be there for me like he used to always be there I want us to be a family I miss him so much.

Ok so he's shown you who he really is.

You need to put you and your baby first and accept that he's not going to be there for the birth.

He's made a secret Instagram account and spouted you multiple lies. You can't trust him.

Do you have a supportive family?

Oh op. I really feel for you. Do you have support from anyone else? Your parents? His parents? (Who should be told what he’s done if they don’t know!)

You're very young OP and there is not one of us here who have not made mistakes young or older ! This man is not the one for you . He has led you on and lied . He is a prick ! You will go on to have a better life without him . I know that right now this seems impossible but you will ! Hopefully you have supportive parents or other family to turn to . Block this man and all contact with him . Focus on you and your baby now . You will love your child more than this knob and you will find your new path .

You need to make plans that do not include him in your or your baby's future. What other support do you have? Is he not a British citizen? Are you sure he really intends to return or would be able to post Brexit.

How old is he? While not right, if he is around the same age as you that’s the explanation. He’s not old enough to be a dad but the reality is he’s going to be.

I never envisioned this I love him more than anything this is all really hurting me so badly

Why do you love him? He has hurt you badly? Take from that the fact that he is not the man you loved at all.

I just feel so unbelievably betrayed and beyond fucked at this point I just want him to come back I want him to be there for me like he used to always be there I want us to be a family

You feel so betrayed that you want him to come back and be a family? Why? You are well rid of him and it's better that you found out now tbh.

It's hard but part of being a parent means putting your own feelings aside. So what lease focus on your baby and the practicalities, don't be ruled me your misguided emotions.

Firstly, you (as well as he) have made choices that have led to this. Personally, continuning the pregnancy at your age, knowing his age and circumstance and your own, isn't a choice i would have made. No judgement there btw, Everyone is different I wouldn't have been ready or selflessness enough at that age. You chose to keep the child knowing you would/could be a good mother and (I'm assuming) knowing the father was likely to be poor quality/absent and your relationship was statistically very likely to fail mid/long term.

As hard as it is, you need to put your emotions to one side and get practical for now.

It's almost a guarantee that this man is not going to be there in general

• he lies to avoid hard conversations

-is selfish -doesn't prioritise you or his child -is already threatening to turn your unborn child against him...

You cannot trust or rely on him to put you/the baby first.
Support
What's your own support network like? Do you have family nearby- will they/can they help?

Finances
Speak to him and failing that his parents to sort out finances and agree a private maintainable agreement (you'll get sweet FA from CSA so be try and play nice!)
Other than that start planning life as a single mother.

Benefits
What are you entitled to and are you claiming it - check out the charity turn to us they help you access benefit you are entitled to.

Good luck and try and focus on your baby (worthwhile), not him (waste of time unless it's in relation to getting something beneficial for the baby)

Firstly, you (as well as he) have made choices that have led to this. Personally, continuning the pregnancy at your age

What a nasty thing to say

I wouldn't call him a 'baby daddy'...he is a sperm donor. You are young to be going through pregnancy in these circumstances. Ask your midwife for help, there will be local teen mum support groups in your locality. You 'love' him because you met him young and do not have worldly experience of relationships, men, dating. If you do 'love' him then you don't love yourself or your baby enough to put up with rubbish treatment. He will continue to treat you like a doormat if you let him, and he will think having a baby was a trap that justifies treating you badly. It is the peril of having babies very young that you miss out on opportunities for going out, getting a good education and a career. This is not to say that you cannot turn your life around, as many teen mums do work hard to bring up kids alongside life goals. However, the father has clearly shown you who he is, that he cannot be trusted, has no integrity, no interest in your well-being or his child...so, you can sob about that for the next 18 years while you raise your baby, or you can decide to bring the child up positively as a single parent like many people do. You can get financial assistance from the Government and child-care services mean you can follow an education and work life that shows your child that it is possible to have a good life without depending on anyone else to achieve it.

He is rubbish. Big hugs to you. Look for people who will give you love and support. He is a man child. You will get over him...he REALLY IS the one missing out here. You girl will know who is there for her.

@puppyconfettiuppy
Oh give over and read the whole thing...
I'm hardly tearing strips, it's a constructive post.
My point is she has made choices which led to this, presumably on the basis she thinks it's the best outcome. Personally, I wouldn't have done that...🤷‍♀️

It's a shit position to be in, but ultimately when there's a baby in the picture,you have to get your shit together and make the best of it.

@Sushiroller

I did read the whole thing. None of the rest of it excuses this though... Firstly, you (as well as he) have made choices that have led to this. Personally, continuning the pregnancy at your age

It was a nasty blow so don't try and dress it up as anything but.

Agreed with puppyconfetti. Remember the OP is 17. At that age the toughest decision I had to make was dropping Art as a subject. Kindness is free, sushiroller could try some.

If he can do this to you then you seriously need to block him and stay strong for your little girl.

If he comes back and is in and out of her life then it will be awful for her but be even worse for you and it will effect you mentally and could end up with pnd if he wants to play silly games.

You are better off without him

@Sushiroller why feel the need to say what you personally would have or have not done? Nasty post putting the boot in to a young woman who's sounds desperate. Give your head a wobble.

@Sushiroller what a horrible thing to say. Jeeze what way to kick someone when they're down. She's incredibly young and been shat on from a great height by the boy she loves. Give her a break.

Op. He's been a prick. Unfortunately men don't mature until their 30's in my humble opinion (I'm dubious about that as my DH and I are in our 40's and he still acts like a kid). You are so young. Concentrate on yourself and your baby. Put yourself first don't worry about him xx

Oh, OP. My ex and I have known each other since 11/12, have two children together (one who is biologically his, one whom he raised from birth having supported me through pregnancy), and... when our son was a toddler, he still felt able to have an affair and leave.

I mean this in all kind seriousness: be grateful he's told you who he actually is now, before your baby is born. Because men like this (and that's not all men, simply...some of them) lack empathy and can therefore walk away without a backwards glance. Protect yourself, protect your baby... start believing him because he's telling you who he is, and what he's truly like, right now. He's lied to you. He's threatened to alienate you from your baby (ruining his holiday... WTAF?!). He's probably casting around for the next girl to whom he'll do exactly the same. Be prepared for your baby to have half-siblings, in my opinion. And above all, don't think that you can't raise your baby by yourself. You're 17... but you're also about to become a parent. From the moment you made the decision to keep your baby, then you also made the decision to place another human's needs before your own (not your rat of a boyfriend, incidentally!). It's going to be hard, I'm not going to lie (I was 19 when my oldest was born, but I'd left an abusive relationship and had friends who held me together and still have my back 24 years later!), but it's genuinely worth it in the long run. Please make sure that you have support which doesn't include your boyfriend or his friends/family. You need to start limiting how much impact they have upon your own life, and your baby's life, right now.

And good luck with the birth.

Midwives are excellent if you're there on your own, I've found.

The OP hasn’t provided the age of the dad to be but the reality is if he is around OP’s age then it makes sense. Boys this age (they are not men), are not mature, responsible, sensible fathers. They are not mature, responsible, sensible partners. They are generally not mature, responsible, sensible humans full stop. Basically if someone decides to have a baby with a boy around this age then they are accepting they are having a baby with a person who is not mature, responsible or sensible and all that goes with it. That’s the harsh reality unfortunately.

Sorry op but whoever you loved, wasn't the real him. Either that or he no longer is. He is a liar and he is also vindictive and spiteful. He threatend to turn your child against you when you dared to confront him on his bullshit. He is a horrible individual.

Take this as an opportunity to separate from him. Do not let him move back in when he comes back.

Might be a good idea to read 'why does he do that?' By Lundy Bancroft too. Perhaps also read up on 'narcissists' too just incase it is relevant. Wish I had known about them when I was 17, would have saved so much heartache going forwards.