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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support needed

8 replies

annon1987 · 16/10/2019 22:52

I found out 3 days ago my partner has visited a prostitute for a blowjob. We have talked about ir non stop since. Hes been honest and showed me his accounts and had been watching tons of porn in the lead up. He had already booked in to speak to a councillor before i found out. We have spoke about the problems he has going on that he hasn't addressed with me. Im not the best at communicating. Im in no means justifying his behaviour. Its unjustifiable i know that. I feel like a fool by staying and trying to gwt past this. Before this he was what id say was the perfect man and step father. Our friends would comment on our relationship. I cant leave him i love him too much and i know he does love me although i know this isnt how you treat someone you love. He seems to have managed tk completely separate this part of his life. I cant talk to anybody about it. Ive never felt so low. Can people change with help and communication? Is it worth trying? I am going between being furiously angry, going over every detail to just wanting him to be close to me, to wanting him to ĺeave. Has anyone been through/ going through this?

OP posts:
RLEOM · 16/10/2019 22:57

Sounds like a possible porn addiction. And if he's gone to a prostitute, there's no doubt he's done it before and will probably do it again.

This addiction will eat away at your self esteem. Is that what you're willing to go through?

annon1987 · 16/10/2019 22:59

I feel like him seeing what this is doing to me make him realise. Hes handed all his accounts to me. To be honest i have no self esteem as it is

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RLEOM · 16/10/2019 23:01

Sorry, I should've said that my ex was a porn addict and possibly visited prostitutes, or was at least looking them up. It was very odd behaviour. But I didn't find out until a year or so into the relationship. Once I knew, it all made sense and then it slowly ate away at me. I became obsessed with how gross my body looked (I'd just had a baby), my mental health deteriorated and I couldn't stop analysing every time he was on his phone.

RoseyOldCrow · 16/10/2019 23:05

@annon1987, I'm so sorry you're going through this awful experience; it doesn't have to end as bleakly as pp says.
Yes, a relationship can be saved with honest communication, love & hard work, but it won't be easy - I suspect you know that.
It's up to you to decide if you want to save it.
💐

annon1987 · 16/10/2019 23:08

Im sorry to hear this happened just after having a baby its awful. I know what you mean i feel disgusting and repulsive. I have spent all day tracking down the woman, hacking into accounts and being deranged. He has put family tracker on his phone so i can see everyrhing location etc. But j cant live doing that it's making me feel worse. Worse part is i thought we were genuinely so so happy. I wish i could go back in time. Did your partner go to counselling?

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annon1987 · 16/10/2019 23:10

Thank you @RoseyOldCrow. I have been married before and had past bad experiences. Ive never felt love like i do now ( well before) but i wish i hated him

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annon1987 · 17/10/2019 11:55

It seems after lots of looking sadly this isnt as uncommon as i thought Sad

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 17/10/2019 12:07

Sadly, men paying to shove their dicks in women's mouths isn't at all uncommon.

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