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Relationships

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Original poster

Boyfriend on night out with other women

25 replies

WWYD737 · 16/10/2019 21:23

I’m looking for some perspectives please.

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for nearly six years. We don’t live together. We have a long standing arrangement that on Saturday night we have a date night together.

On Monday he told me that he had been invited out for drinks with an old (male) colleague. The drinks were on m Saturday. I was a bit disappointed that we would have to cancel our night but nothing bad at all. We can rearrange.

Today I have found out that the drinks are with his male colleague and 6 other women who used to be the secretaries in his department. He tells me these are not women he was friends with. He sees the male friend regularly.

This is ok right? It’s normal for people to meet up with old work colleagues even if they were not close and haven’t seen those people for ten years.

I just feel a bit uncomfortable with the fact that he didn’t mention the 6 women initially until I asked him exactly who was going and that these women have never been his friends. Yet it’s enough for him to cancel our plans.

Can someone please hand me a grip?

OP posts:

HarrietOh · 16/10/2019 21:39

You have plans every single Saturday? I think it’s fine for him to cancel and go out with his friends! Do you normally make a fuss if your weekly night is cancelled for him to go out with friends?

Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2019 21:42

Where is this relationship going? What are you getting out of it?

Tojigornot · 16/10/2019 21:43

I would find it very suffocating to have to commit every Saturday night to my boyfriend for 6 years.

Tojigornot · 16/10/2019 21:44

Where is this relationship going? What are you getting out of it?

Eh?

TheQueef · 16/10/2019 21:45

It's ok.
Your head needs a bit of a wobble it sounds like some old insecurity popped up?

BillywilliamV · 16/10/2019 21:45

They’re old work colleagues, they’ll go out, have a laugh! You need to try to become slightly less hard work if you’re going to retain this man as any kind of partner

Original poster

WWYD737 · 16/10/2019 21:47

Thanks for all your replies.

I don’t give him any fuss. If he needs to cancel it’s fine.

Saturday is the only night we can really see each other so as a regular arrangement it seems to work well for both of us.

I’m happy to hear your perspectives as I know I’m being unreasonable to be even slightly unhappy about this.

OP posts:

Savingforarainyday · 16/10/2019 21:47

Of course it's fine!

Mudcakemaniac · 16/10/2019 22:01

Why didn't he tell you about the women the first time though? That shouldn't be a secret, should it. And I think it's a bit weird you see each other once a week and he'd rather see some women he's not friends with than his girlfriend?

mamatoizzywizzy · 16/10/2019 22:05

@WWYD737 I don't think you have anything to worry about. Honestly. He's told you about the night and not hidden it, and if there's a group of women it's not likely anything dodgy is going on . It's prob just old work colleagues having a random meet up - you know how it goes "oh let's all meet up for a catch up" - I bet it won't even be arranged again after that one catch up. :) please don't worry

crappyday2018 · 16/10/2019 22:12

Regardless of how you feel about it, you have to show that you trust him. Otherwise there is no point.

Bluntness100 · 16/10/2019 22:14

he'd rather see some women he's not friends with than his girlfriend?

That's fairly nasty, he's going to see the Male friend, he's not going to see these women and it's not he'd rather see them than her. No need to twist the knife in her.

mamatoizzywizzy · 16/10/2019 22:17

@Bluntness100 - what this person said ! ignore the comment from the silly comment about preferring to see other women !!! Thats spiteful and just trying to make things up that don't exist

MsPavlichenko · 16/10/2019 22:19

It's fine him arranging to see old friends. It's fine it's on a Saturday. It's fine he told you, in fact it's good.

It's not fine he didn't tell you that he was meeting a group of them rather than only one.

OldAndWornOut · 16/10/2019 22:21

When anyone goes for a night out without their spouse/partner/boyfriend or girlfriend it means that they're preferring their company, just for that night.
That's normal, surely, unless you're joined at the hip.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 16/10/2019 22:23

Every Saturday night? Some times it must not be possible?

I wouldn't worry about this at all. Do you want to go too or are you happy with your friends and/or strictly?

TheoriginalLEM · 16/10/2019 22:29

So you have been together for 6 years but only see each other on a Saturday?

FenellaVelour · 16/10/2019 22:48

My husband used to be the only man in an office full of women.
He still meets up with them for after work meals and nights out.
It’s normal.

As an aside, it would drive me mad to have to commit to seeing someone every single Saturday night.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2019 23:35

He hasn't seen theadies for a decade, it sounds like to him he's going out with his male mate and these other women will be there too, as opposed to him going out with the women iyswim

I wouldn't sweat it

Blondebakingmumma · 17/10/2019 06:28

How often do you see your boyfriend of 6 years?

moreturkeyforme · 17/10/2019 06:58

If you only see your boyfriend of 6 yrs on a Saturday I'd bin the relationship.

Original poster

WWYD737 · 17/10/2019 07:07

Thanks everyone. I feel much more rational this morning.

There are specific reasons why we can only ge together once a week. It does work for us in terms of what we are both looking for in a relationship.

OP posts:

Poppyfields21 · 17/10/2019 07:09

Actually you’re 6 years in to a relationship. That’s pretty long term so I’m sort of wondering why you don’t live together yet- is this the way you both want it? Not sure what on earth is wrong with the people saying you need to let him do what he wants if you want to keep him. Is it 1950? He should have told you about the women up front, and it’s fine to want to know why he didn’t.

Everafter1 · 17/10/2019 07:31

It's not weird but probably got you wondering as there's not really any reason to omit that these people are going.

What lead up to him mentioning they were going? Did he maybe not know they were going initially?

TheStuffedPenguin · 17/10/2019 07:55

One night a week for 6 years ? Meeting up with old colleagues is more normal than this.

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