He is leaving us

[Startingoveragain1]

Hi, I spend quite a bit of time over here since I starting experiencing issues in my relationship. Name changed for post... so ive been with this man (thought it was the love of my life) for over 3 years. I have a 6 and 11 year old from a previous 12 year relationship. He stepped in to the role of stepdad perfectly and we regularly have his kids over too. We're all part of the family. (His daughter is due comin down for the week next week). We are engaged( long engagement). I have a chronic pain illness that has meant ive not been the best to be around. We have busy jobs . He was very supportice. On the other hand We started overlookin each other and had a very big crisis last year. Things have never been the same. This summer we were at the brink of splitting. Fast forward to today, we gave it another go. Things havent gotten better because amongst other things, his job has become unbareable and he has been suffering with what seems to be a chronic ear deaease. Constant ringing, dizziness etc. With his job getting stressful he had to stop going to the gym(he has always been a massive gym goer) and just restarted after our summer crisis . Due to stress and the illness he has been very irritable for months, always snappy. Ive made massive changes to my life to try to be supportive. He is just looking after himself while i look after everyone else except for me. He doesnt seem to be gettin any better. I think he is depressed but doesnt want to go doctors. Now, he has just brought up the conversation again, he is done, theres no future, he wants a break up. Im not gonna cry (he is sittin next to me right now) eldest is goin to bed...im not gonna ask him to stay, i said my but and did my bit. But i am devastated although i have seen it comin. Still... i have no clue what im gonna do.i feel hurt as he can just walk away while i have to explain everythin to my kids. Ill have to move as cant afford this house . I have no family here (theyre in another country) no close group of friends around. I dont even know if i want to start over again here... but ive spent my whole adult life here i wouldnt know where to start. Im not heartbroken, i always expect the worst. Im just so tired. So tired of giving and when the ride gets tough people bail. how the f*ck do i start over? What do i tell the kids? He can just up and go as we're not married, and go live his life. What about us? His leaving is going to turn our lives seriously upside down and we have no support network... i cant belive this...i dont know if i have the strength.

So sorry OP. No advice but

Sorry you’re going through this but you CAN and will get through this. Why has he been unhappy - I know you said he was depressed. Do you lpve him? Can you get some advice re finances and housing situation?

I do love him although i admit he has been difficult of late. We are extremely busy with work and over time the relationship fizzled out. For me thats not enough to break a unit and i believe in sticking it out until better times. He lost his self esteem when he stopped the gym and put on some weight (he is back now are regaining his physique) his workload doubled a few months ago and is very stressed out and he has been suffering from chronic pain (also startin last few months) i think all of the above have had a vey bad impact on his mental health. Ive been bendin backwards to support him and help him get back to himself. I literally have no time for me at all but am tryin to help him. He has said himself he is his own first prioriy now and thats not changing. Maybe he just doesnt love me and thats also adding to his problems but i think we could work on things once he feels more settled in himself. He is lookin for another job, seeing specialists for the illness, started medication and has turned very healthy i come back from work to do it all, cook healthy dinner, sort kids out while he is at gym.in his eyes everything is bad and he wants to call it all quits. We were planning on moving away and buyin a house as here life and private rent is way too expensive. My life is gonna be turned upside down. We have pets i probably wont be able to keep if i have to move to a small flat. This is completely gonna destroy me and the kids see him as their stepdad and he does all the fatherly things for them. They wont understand. Im just stupid to put all my eggs in one basket. I have no family or friends near. And i really thought we would be there for each other always. He was all i needed. How naive of me.