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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my relationship doomed?

14 replies

Joolly · 16/10/2019 19:01

I’ve been with my partner for 18 months. Since he moved in with me I’ve discovered that he is a functioning alcoholic. He has also been diagnosed with diabetes, so now can’t get an erection. When he’s not at work he drinks all the time. He stays up until the early hours drinking and watching tv. There is no intimacy between us. He is extremely untidy, won’t put his clothes away, so bedroom looks like a tip. Today he stayed in bed until 6pm when I insisted he got up. Everything is about him. He says I’m the love of his life, and promises to change but never does. He won’t change his diet or go and see his GP. I’ve tried to support and help him, and we’ve had so many conversations about this, but nothing ever changes. I feel like I’m living with a teenager, who is just a house mate. Is this relationship doomed?

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 16/10/2019 19:03

Yes.

peachgreen · 16/10/2019 19:03

Yes. He's an alcoholic. Get out while you can.

Pinkbonbon · 16/10/2019 19:09

Yes.
And you should be glad of that.
There no intimacy, it's all about him and he is an alcoholic. Get him the feck out of your house and change the locks.
Its not him you need to help, it's yourself.

Zofloramummy · 16/10/2019 19:11

Yes, chuck him out ASAP. Anyone can say “you are the love of my life” but if their actions make you feel like their mother, maid and keeper then it’s all facetious bollocks.

Thingsdogetbetter · 16/10/2019 19:11

God I love the simple ones: yes! Asap!

Verily1 · 16/10/2019 19:12

Theres nothing in this for you

HEMammajamma · 16/10/2019 19:13

Absolutely. Next case!

Windygate · 16/10/2019 19:13

Yep. Sorry that was harsh

Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2019 19:14

Show him the door NOW. You really have to ask?

FawnDrench · 16/10/2019 19:28

It's doomed, yes.
I think you know this and are just seeking confirmation

Now you have lots of confirmation it's time for you to actually DO something about it and take some action to get rid of this time-wasting leech who is bleeding you dry.

rvby · 16/10/2019 19:58

It is doomed only if you see sense and get out of it ASAP.

Many people stay in relationships like this and it ruins their lives. You have a choice. You don't have to keep doing this.

Idontknowwhattodo2 · 16/10/2019 20:32

Yes. Absolutely. Leave. I stayed in a relationship like this for SIX years after it died after two. He left me, in fact I'm sure I would have just stayed with him and still be with him if he hadn't. I'm so glad we're not together anymore though. It's over.

Bananalanacake · 16/10/2019 20:47

why let him move in with you. just date him and live separately. if you want to.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/10/2019 20:55

You will be nothing more than his carer in a very short time. You're nearly there now. Is this the future you want? Tending to an alcoholic who won't help himself?

The love of his life is booze, not you.

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