Husband not interested in me

[frustratedandsad1]

My husband doesn't seem to want any sort of intimacy with me, and it's making me incredibly sad and frustrated.

We last had sex 5 weeks ago. The time before that was 7 weeks prior. Both of these times were (I think) because he felt he "ought to". I have a normal sex drive, I would like to be intimate maybe 2-3 times a week. So this is killing me slowly, if I'm honest.

Last night I asked him if we could spoon (yes, I'm that desperate) and he said of course. In actuality, he fell asleep on the sofa, came to bed at 5.30am and then slept with his back to me.

I feel like I am cohabiting with a sibling/friend/flat mate.

Anyone been through similar? Or have any advice, as to where the hell I go from here?

Ask your DH what his levels were. My husband was told borderline by his gp and his level was 9! This is actually considered by specialists as very low...think 80 year old man low.
My husband demanded to see an endocrinologist who said 9 was indeed too low for bone health even in a man of my husbands age. He was immediately put on testosterone gels which didn’t work and a few months later progressed onto three monthly injections. Again improvement was slow and DH went back asking for the injection every 2 months.

We are a year on from his first injection and the results have been unbelievable for the most part!

From injection day to week 2, DH’s drive is average...once to twice a week. Weeks 3-5 he drive soars! Every day or every other day. Then it begins to tail off slowly (1-2 times a week) until the next injection.

It was not an easy process trying to get treated. It took a lot of effort and courage on DHs part. He had to be straight talking and a bit insistent, but he feels great. He feels positive and happy and he has energy. He realises how I’ll he felt before treatment. Borderline is no way to live.

How ill he felt.
Autocorrect is so annoying!

OP, Don't waste your life on someone who does not want you...

Was it a family thing, society pressure that made you marry him?

There's really no shame to say "This is not how I want my life to be".

Find your inner strength and fuck him off. (With loving kindness).

Life is so much better then when you are true to yourself.

I should have written "if he's gay he almost certainly wouldn't want sex with her". I was just thinking how back when homosexuality was taboo many gay men did marry women and somehow make that work. Human sexuality is a strange thing. But nowadays that homosexuality is more well understood and accepted, so very few men would willingly try and force themselves into a mold they aren't suited for, you're right.

I refused his advances because I don't want to be picked up and dropped at his convenience!!

So you just want him to want sex when you want it? You're upset he doesn't want to have sex, then when he does you reject him because it's not on your terms?

It’s hard to accept. But it’s true. Men are very basic. If he’s not sleeping with you he’s either
A) sleeping with someone else
B) not that in to you
C) gay

I’m sorry but this is utterly ludicrous, there are a thousand other things that could be behind this:

• hormone imbalance (and OP has said this is potentially an issue)
• depression
• medication
• thyroid problems
• vitamin deficiency

And on and on,.,

Sex drive is bloody complex, and if you really don’t have it (especially if it’s due to a medical issue which means it’s absent rather than low) it’s not something you can just power through. I’ve lost mine completely and it’s been gone for the majority of more than a decade, thanks to a hormonal treatment that completely fucked up my health and my life. Doctors can’t figure out the problem but I know it’s physiological - there are times where my hormone levels have changed (pregnancy, stopping breastfeeding, coming off the pill) where it has come back intensely for a few months and then it’s gone again.

If her DH has low testosterone that could absolutely be the issue - telling her that he’s gay or cheating or just doesn’t love her is utterly ridiculous to anyone who’s experienced this. I love my husband to death but can’t stand to be touched- it’s nothing to do with him, it’s my body that’s fucked up, not our relationship.

OP, the only way through this issue is communication. He needs to be honest with you about what he’s thinking and feeling, as do you.