Why does he do this?!

[PumpkinP]

Today is my birthday, I am no contact with ex as that is what he wants, we have 4 children together and he doesn’t see them at all. Long story short is he “decided” that he doesn’t want to be a dad. He hasn’t been involved for the last 2/3 years. This is the thing, every year he texts or emails me “happy birthday” I’m going to ignore it but it just stresses me out every year. He doesn’t even message the kids on their birthdays. I know people will just say block him but I thought I already had, but seems I’ve only blocked him on WhatsApp. Why does he do it every year? Is it to torment me? I just don’t get it. I’m ofcourse going to ignore it like I said but I just don’t know why he does it.

I think some people like to remind you that you're not completely free of them. I had an incredibly abusive ex and he still says happy birthday - he sends physical cards to my mum's house, and also texts/Facebook/WhatsApp if he can find a way to do so (I block him as soon as I think it's him).

My family don't know what went on, or not the full extent anyway, and he sends them Christmas cards, and even goes to visit my grandparents. It makes my skin crawl.

You know the answer-he's just tormenting you! Just in case you're having a lovely time he's giving you a poke to remind you he's here. Next year block him the say before and the day after (or longer if you can) ignore him and just remind yourself that he's a shit x

You need to change your number because he could easily buy another phone and just msg you.

Good luck.

Thanks for the comments. We had contact about 3 months ago (after 2 years) when he emailed me begging and pleading to see the children. He seen them once then decided that actually he doesn’t want to see them, so that’s when I blocked him. but I must have just deleted his number and blocked him on WhatsApp. But he does it every year regardless.

Wow SunshineAngel that really is creepy! I’m glad he is not sending actual cards that really would freak Me out! Last year he sent me £100 for my birthday into my bank account but doesn’t pay any maintenance or send the children any money on their birthdays

Assuming he's employed, get a claim in for CSM as soon as poss. Children aren't pay per view, and he doesn't get to decide that he doesn't pay for the lives he created.

If you block him completely off your phone, would he still have a way of contacting you if it was essential info re the kids, eg he's in hospital at deaths door and wants to see them? For example does his mum have your number or address? If so, just block him completely.

He sounds like a thorough piece of shit. I hope your dc are okay and largely unaware of how utterly useless one of their parents is.

@PumpkinP i have an ex BF that i dated for 2 years no kids or anything - was over 15 years ago! he's now married kids and lives in australia - he has always messaged once a year ( not just my birthday) .. i usually ignore it but once every 3 or 4 years i'd reply just i'm fine thanks.

i really think it's the sex- we had THE BEST most compatible entwined sex but i still broke it off as i felt there was no future despite the best sex😢😭

i am married with a kid and pregnant now. my husband is a keeper but zero sex drive and doesn't seem to care or have a clue on what a woman wants in bed- also gets offended if told to do this or that

you should always respond and attach the kids video or pictures with updates and talk about their progress

any man or woman who is able to just abandon their kids - i just would not trust

Why isn’t he paying any maintenance? Is he employed? Contact CMS! Get a claim in.

Happy birthday

It's pretty useless that he doesn't see his children, but you can't make him of course. He needs to pay maintenance, even if you just put it away for the children in the future. Is he employed?

No he doesn’t pay as he isn’t working and hasn’t done it years.

I really don’t want to respond or send him any pics of them. I don’t think he deserves to see them as he made his choice. The last time we spoke he was a absolutely vile to me, Said some really nasty things. Like I “trapped” him into having all 4 of them and that he will never see them or take any responsibility for them. Oh and he told me to only contact him in an emergency. So I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of me responding, he doesn’t care about them. Like I said he doesn’t message on their birthdays and never has, only mine.

He is probably feeling some sort of guilt from time to time. He may still feel connected to you but unfortunately not to the kids.

And he is only acknowledging your birthday so he he can only send money once a year and not 5 times? Some people’s minds are twisted and beyond a normal person’s power of comprehension.

I think you are right One1 he seems to really struggle to separate me and the children, he sees them as an extension of me. I think it’s the reason he doesn’t want to see them, if me and him aren’t getting on or on friendly terms he won’t want to see them.