Hi
Brief history for me and my ex.I am 44 and he is 36. We met through work when he had split with his ex 4 years ago. i have 2 DCs - 17 and 13 and was separated from my DH.
It was a very up and down relationship as he had to move back into his parents for 6 months as he had no money when they split up and the house was all in her name.
During this time he was very much the bachelor and enjoyed his freedom but he stayed with me through the week when I was child free. We were very affectionate and attentive from day 1 as we had both not had this in our previous relationships.
However the age difference was a big factor to me as I sometimes felt like I had to make all the decisions in our relationship and sometimes he would get needy for my attention. This improved when he was able to rent a flat close by. Due to his debts he needed a guarantor for his flat and he asked me - unfortunately because of my salary it wasn't enough and his brother did it for him. I helped him move in and furnish the flat.
At first it was great as it meant that I had an escape from my house while waiting for it to sell. We had plans to move in together and buy somewhere once mine sold.
But things were only good when we were together. We had great nights out and in but it was never enough for him. he hated not living together and at times I felt smothered. When this happened I would tell him to give me some breathing space and go do something with his time.
He thought this was a rejection and would just demand more of my time. I hadn't sold the house and my DC were now becoming demanding teenagers! Our living together still hadn't happened as I couldnt move into his flat with the 2 children and he didn't want to move into my house. He wanted a fresh start.
We hit a low patch about a year ago as I felt like something was wrong... turns out he had met someone else from a dating site and had been seeing them a month. He didn't tell me I accidentally found her leaving his flat with him. He looked mortified! I was devastated as he never told me that he was looking for someone else and we hadn't actually broke up!
Although I tried to forgive him for what happened I couldn't understand why and he never gave a full explanation - just said that it sort of happened! I think i could have forgiven a one night stand easier.
I distanced myself from him as I tried to work through my feelings and he just kept demanding I forget about it and draw a line under it and move in. etc etc.
after about 6 months I did - I missed him so much and we were good together. I tried hard to trust him again and after much sobbing to my friends decided that I wanted him and for us to work.
My friend suggested a break abroad was just the thing we needed so we booked a short break to Ibiza, It was great - I felt I could think clearly without him constantly being in my head.
I returned home and we were getting on great but then as I was using his phone one day an email came through from POF - I asked him if he still had a profile and at first he denied it then admitted he did. he said he only messaged women and never went out with them on dates - he was just lonely and thought I would never come back to him!
He was so convincing on his reasons that I eventually agreed with his way of thinking! But deep down I knew it was over as everytime I went home I had a gut feeling he was messaging someone.
I told him it was over but he wouldn't accept this and kept pestering me and sending me messages - emails - love letters. I told him I had to block him for my own sanity and that it wasn't fair on DC's to see me in a state of anxiety all the time.
Eventually he stopped and I felt like I could breathe again and get some head space to myself. Then 2 weeks ago my friend said she saw him in the pub with a woman and that she had looked on his FB profle (I'm not on there) and he was friends with this woman and had been for 6 weeks. My heart sank and I felt devastated all over again.
I haven't contacted him but I am truly gutted that he has moved on so quickly and yet I miss him so much. I miss the affection and intimacy that we had - I had never had such a strong connection with anyone before not even DH.
Is this normal to feel this level of pain? I feel like Im going insane and obsessing over him and the good times we had. My friend said she always thought I was too good to him and that he was just using me financially and emotionally.