Why does a hot/cold man make you feel so sh8t?

[Feelingabitdown1]

I dated a guy I was really into who was hot/cold on a cycle. At the start he was perfect super keen. Then disappeared. We only ever saw each other on his terms. I'd ask him to stuff - usually he'd say no and if he said yes he'd cancel at the last minute. It ended up with him getting in touch over periods that expanded - 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 6 months.

He tried again today - after a year - by email. This time I just ignored it - but I read back over some old emails and it made me see how pathetic I was. I kept trying to engage him in the cold periods with the normal kind of invitations you get in a normal friendship or relationship and every time got knocked back.

Why does this make me feel so shit? When really I should be just seeing it as his problem. It makes me feel like I wasn't even worth a low level friendship or basic friendship kindness. I really liked him too

It does feel crap. The trick is to get out sooner.

Block him and move on.

He sounds cluster b personality disordered.
When men start with the hot /cold, push/pull cycle you will experience intermittent reinforcement. This may trauma bond you and then it triggers chemicals in the brain to give you a high like a drug user. You literally become addicted to them.
Take him off his pedestal, put yourself up there instead.
Go no contact. Block him, delete him, chuck out any reminders of him.

See if there are patterns from your childhood with a Hot/cold parent.

Then Love yourself more .

I'm not sure what you mean lexiepuppy. If hot/cold gives you a high, why didn't that work for him?

Im not in contact with him I dont see hjm and didnt reply. It was just reading this old stuff after he emailed and I was wondering why it made me feel so down about myself.

Read mr unavailable and the fallback girl. Great chapter on men doing the hot and cold and why.

It gives you a high. Makes you feel like you cant be without him. Have a look at trauma bonding on youtube. Explains why some people find it so hard to walk away from the guy who love bombs then goes cold.