Advice desperately needed

[Delliebum]

Hey! Heres a little background:

Me and fiance have been together 8 years. Have two kids a house etc. We’ve had our ups and downs etc as any other couple but recently theres a lot more downs than ups. This is mainly because theres been immense pressure on myself to provide financially (OH started a new job thats lower paid), we have a 4 year old, i have been pregnant (DD is currently 4 weeks old). I haven't had a single nap since shes been born, i still tidy house and put my 4yo to bed whilst looking after 4 week old, so ive been a little naggy and irritable.

However, OH went out at the weekend and was SO mardy the following day. I had an inkling something was ‘off’ so i checked his phone and saw a message from a girl saved in his phone. (Note - i never usually check but with current circumstances i felt like i needed to).
The message in itself was trivial. Basically asking him if he had a good night and what he got up to after the pub.
He hadnt seen this text.

I replied on his phone pretending to be him to get some info (crazy i know) but i found out from her 1. He told her he was single 2. That he had no children 3. Exchanged numbers when she asked for it.

He of course denies anything sinister. Apparently never told her those things. All lads banter. She said nothing happened but i cant shake off the way im feeling.

Why did he give his number out. And why did he lie?

She wouldnt have reason to.

What would you do? And any guys on here have an opinion?

Thanks

Read him the riot act and then start insisting he pulls his weight.

And book yourself a couple of days out, one to get a solid 8 hrs sleep, and one for some pampering.
Then book a family member to babysit, so the pair of you can have a night out together. Sounds like you need some adult time.

He is starting to look elsewhere OP. He had his head turned for a bit. think you need to take a look at where you are in your relationship and strengthen it immediately before he has his head turned again and goes further. Nip this in the bud as quickly as possible and get your relationship back on tracks quickly.

The messages and messing about saying that he's single is really disrespectful and stupid but maybe not something as serious as it seems. He is likely telling the truth when talking about it but potentially not.

I think the bigger concern is of him not pulling his weight at home. He needs to step up and support you, otherwise what is the point in being together? It does sound like he's struggling for whatever reason but if he doesn't discuss that with you then you can't help.

Give him an ultimatum, he chips in and starts working towards common family goals or he fucks off.

All lads banter
But she's not a lad!
He's lying now.
That would be the hard thing for me.
If he would come clean you might get through it.
'Sorry, I was pissed and thought it was a good idea at the time. I love you and would never usually do this. You know that, blah blah blah'
But he's not doing that is he?
Not only is going out and lying and giving out his number, he is coming and lying to you about it all when you have all the proof you need.
It's called Gaslighting and it's not OK!
He would get one last chance to come clean or he'd be out.
And if he even tried to lie I'd have kick is fucking arse out so fast he wouldn't know what was happening.

Why has he taken a huge pay cut when he now has 2 DC to support?
I call cocklodger as well on this loser!

Two issues here:

1. He was planning on cheating.

1. He's a lazy sod who doesn't pull his weight. Why are you running around doing all the parenting and shitwork while he's out flirting with some girl down the pub?

Read him the riot act. Seriously.I'd be asking him to leave to be honest, but that's easy for me to say from behind a keyboard.

As asked above, who's great idea was it for him to take a paycut with 2 kids to support?

Don't blame the woman, she thought he was single. I would be tempted to message her off your phone and tell her that not only is he not single, he also has two children, one of whom is a newborn. Don't let him get away with this behaviour. You have a tiny baby and a toddler and you are exhausted. He should be supporting you and doing his fair share of housework and childcare, not going out with the lads and pretending he's single and childfree. What a knob.