The 7year itch

[Yorkdelight]

Been together 7 years, but our sex life has suddenly become non existent.
We have a peck on the cheek on the morning before work and that's the only physical contact I get from him.
I dress up, lapdance have even taken pole dancing up to get his attention, I dress up dress down but yet the guy is oblivious!!!!
We have only had sex 3 times this year and I literally cant go on like this anymore he physically has no sex drive!
I get I'm tired, stressed work, tired stressed same shit different week.
I have even laid there and initiated and I just get told to get off him, or not to lay on him cos he gets to warm! We are just two people living together and I'm fucking miserable!

How’s life outside of the bedroom?

Have you sat down and talked to him about it? Never understand why people can do the deed but are so reluctant to talk about it. Just pick a neutral day with not a lot going on and tell him you are missing the intimacy and is there something bothering him? If he says ‘nothing’ then ask him why he thinks you no longer have sex and tell him you feel a bit rejected. Be gentle, not accusing him or blaming him of anything and see where that takes you. Sometimes talking while on a long drive helps because you are not looking at each other.

Boring? He works I work, yet I am expected to tidy clean and cook and look after everyone and just get nothing back? He doesnt see any error in this he works very hard and I am just a hairstylist so I'm less tired but my children have about 400 clubs a week and I have to do everything else aswell?
He really seems like there isnt an issue but this is driving me insane he isnt one for talking either?! Why is this happening

Hiya there I am the same 7 year yesterday my boyfriend is a huge gamer (i am not) we have had very frequent arguments about him spending more time with me he seems to be getting it now and spending few hours me in living room watching tv... Anyway I have a much higher sex drive than him we only do it about once a month and it's all down to me initiating and telling him I want sex otherwise I'm not sure how long it would take ... I completely understand were you are coming from you start to question so much constantly if we're with the right guy.. I stil look forward being him it's just the sex/ dates that's the problem too.. I do the same dress up/ dance and he says he is tierd and we have sex a different day.. 😩

Sorry I am not much help.. do you still want to be with him outside of the bedroom ?

Yes I do want to be with him but I'm.incredibly bored inside and outside of the bedroom, would I know if he was gay?! He doesnt game but he puts very little effort into me or what i want or like, my birthday proves this as he went out the day before bought me like 15 bathbombs and a jumper claiming he didnt know what to get me?! I was hoping for an engagement or holiday as we had discussed but he seems to have decided this isnt an option....I would like to add in at this point he is absolutley filthy rich.....yet I pay all the Bill's etc

Why do you get out of this relationship? You sound very unhappy yet you say you want to stay - why? You pay all the bills, run the house, look after the children and work... he just works. That is very unfair. Relationships should be equal, as well as having time dedicated to being a couple rather than just existing alongside each other.

When was the last time you laughed together OP and enjoyed each other's company? Sometimes we get into the habit of just existing in a relationship because it's easier rather than change. If he is willing to change the relationship is salvageable...if not break the habit and be happy x

Sounds like you have become his mother taking care of everything....thats catastrophic to a man on how he thinks about his partner. I wouldn't want to marry someone like this and hope you dont too.

Hang on a minute...you are paying all the bills? Why? Stop doing that! If he’s got money then he needs to be paying a lot of that. Is he just hoarding his money while you spend all of yours? What’s your housing situation? This sounds like a bad situation!!!

Where the hell is your anger? He's filthy rich but you pay the bills? Were you day drinking when you agreed to this insanity? He sounds like a real catch: no sex,indifference to your birthday, financially abusive-wow that's the trifecta!

This is so hard for me he is such a lovely man and I'm quite a quiet chilled person and I dont understand how he cant see me struggling for loney and with the kids and at life and doesnt want to help or do anything? Hes just told me last night he is still waiting on £12k of invoices to be paid whereas I'm chasing every penny we have argued and fought over the financial side for years but he just doesnt ever change? We do have fun and a laugh but I honestly just feel like I'm.borderline breastfeeding him, I do love him but I'm not questioning as to whether he is gay or not? I do believe that he loves me or that could be me wishful thinking? It's so hard for me as I thought I had found the one but I dont understand why he thinks this is ok to live like this?

Even down to the effort he puts into things, I got him a holiday for us all for his 30th 5star all inclusive big suprise and yet it came to mine last week and he put absolutely no effort into it I had to arrange the meal,and he went out the day before for presents to which he just panick bought and I'm struggling to understand where it went wrong we talked holidays and engagements and yet I got 12 bath bombs and a jumper?! Nothing of any sentimental value and my friends organised the party invited him and he left the groupchat for it and just turned up as a guest basically and it was hard to see the effort my friends made for me......and the person I love was so far removed from it it's really upset me!

Sounds really dreary to me. Either he's depressed or he's stopped finding you physiclaly attractive but can't be bothered to make the break himself because he has it too easy in other ways.

Is he the father of your DC? If not, I'd not think twice about splitting up. If he is, I'd make more effort to get counsellinga nd try to improve the relationship but that can;t be done single handed. He has to want to make the effort too.

You've become his mother/housekeeper/childminder and bill payer. You must step up and take responsibility for you enabling this from the beginning. I dont know how you are going to change this dynamic to make life easier for you if you have already tried. I can't see this changing in the near future so maybe you may have to accept what you have enabled or go and get counselling so he can really see and understand what it is he needs to do. Sometimes a third party is what it needs for him to understand everything. Sorry OP it sounds like your life has become one chore after another and no light relief.

Thankyou, although when this started we were a team and he since has gone south since starting his business he lost defintley isnt depressed.
When he wants to do something ie go fishing he can spend all the time in the world planning this and getting himself ready etc yet when it comes to family life it's me that does all the work, he makes jokes that he works harder and I'm at home all the time which isnt true I too have a full time job and a side job aswell, my children are mine to my ex partner who emotionally financially blackmailed me so the past three relationships have involved abuse and therefore when I met current partner I just accepted this behaviour as normal but IDAS have highlighted that this behaviour isnt normal!

I really want him to not be like this at all hes a nice man, but I cant see how I can get this to change if talking isnt an option for us? Unless I have to go really hard on him