Earlier this year my DH left me. He had been having an affair. He was emotionally abusive and it was quite tough. We have a long standing mutual friend from years ago (we all worked together) whose wife did the same to him. We only saw each other at weddings / fairly infrequently as ex and I have two young children and he doesn't. I've never had any romantic feelings for him.
Long standing mutual friend (who lives nearby) offered to come for dinner so we could talk. I had originally suggested coffee near his work because I thought it might be a bit weird but as I didn't have any feelings I thought it would be fine. We ended up having a really amazing chat over a few bottles of wine until late. If I'm honest I was a bit taken aback because there was obviously a bit of a spark which I put down to being through something similar.
We start hanging out every couple of weeks, just at each other's house (when I don't have the kids). We were messaging every day or so too. At this point I know he is seeing someone else but that's fine, it's just friends with us. We end up going to a gig together one night and I stay at his very late. I was upset about something my ex did and he put his arm around me. We kiss and then both of us feel a bit awkward about it. He's like I want this but it's not fair to the girl he is seeing. At that point I was like, well there was surely a chance this might happen if we keep hanging out til late, drinking etc. He was like oh no, definitely not. Except then he mentions he was attracted to me when we worked together years ago. I leave. We don't see each other for a few weeks.
He ends up coming to my house again, we are firmly back in the friend zone, all is fine. Except when he leaves, he gave me a very long hug, full body contact hug. It wasn't a friends hug. He was angling for something to happen. I ring him up a week later late one evening, a bit drunk and egged on by my friends to call him out on it. I say if we are just friends, fine but you can't carry on like there is more there. It's not fair on me or the girl you are seeing. He ends up coming over that night. You can guess how that ended up. He breaks up with the girl he is seeing.
We catch up again and he says that he doesn't want a relationship. He admits that when we hooked up it was really good and that he has told things to me, he hasn't told anyone else. I feel the same. I feel more comfortable with him than I did my ex and we were together 12 years.
We go back to the friend zone again. Which would be fine but a month later, we go out with our mutual friends and end up going home together again. He has now freaked out about it again.
I'm quite happy with a FWB thing but he is all over the show, worried I'm developing feelings for him which I think I may be but I know that is the risk I run. He is worried he is going to get hurt and worried he doesn't know what he wants. If I ignore him for a bit, he ends up messaging me and then I end up inviting him to hang out and then we go around again. To complicate matters I'm in the middle of moving so there is a natural conclusion to this but I just want to enjoy it in the meantime and not think too much about it but part of me, thinks I should just back away and ignore. My friends are largely divided (and enjoying living vicariously through me!)