I snooped on his phone, now what do I do!

[ncfortuesday]

Nc'ed for this because I shouldn't have looked and I'm embarrassed, but curiosity got the better of me. We have been together 4 years, we are happy, have just bought a house together and are looking forward to the future.

I think it might be minor? but it knocked me sick and I can't focus on anything at work today through thinking about it so much. What do you think?

I found messages between him and a girl he used to go to school with. They started about a year ago with her messaging him about getting in contact with one of his best friends, I think she wanted his friends phone number. He mentioned this to me at the time and said he thought it was weird of her, I'd forgotten about it until I saw the messages last night. The messages carried on for about a day, very innocent references to high school, the messages then just stopped.

In April this year they started up again by him messaging her a screenshot, again a reference to something funny that happened at high school. They were lighthearted messages that went on for a few weeks until she replied with 'yeah, it's probably because I fancied you!' And the conversation turned to them talking about that and him saying it had taught him to grow some balls and to just say at the time how he feels, because he had fancied her too. She said why had he never said anything, he replied saying he was young bla bla and then with a screenshot from Facebook of him commenting on her picture (10 years ago!) where she had brushed off him complimenting her. The conversation continued in the same way, nothing sexual, but she did say 'so all that time we were pretending to help each other get with the others best friend, when really we liked each other' there was some more back and forth and she said 'I've got work, goodnight x' he replied 'goodnight x'.

The messages then went on for another day or two and then just stopped.

Why the kisses? Why would he say he should have said something at the time, as if he regrets not doing?

I shouldn't have looked, I know this. But now I feel physically sick! I can't shake it off. I would never talk to another boy this way. But I can't tell him I snooped on his phone.

What do I do!? If I'm being ridiculous, tell me! I have a lot going on right now, feeling delicate and abit wobbly as it is, this has just sent me over the edge I think, please be kind.

I 'picked' at it because yours is the only post that is out of sync with the other responses here and because you made your opinion sound as if it was gospel, Pink.

The OP expressed a doubt that has been assuaged by every poster except yourself, and I wouldn't want her to leave this thread with the words of one doubting Thomas ringing in her ears as they could gradually destabilise her hitherto happy and secure relationship with her dp.

Well op, in the well worn phrase, nothing to see here, walk on by! Perhaps try and pin down why you are feeling anxious and deal with that, maybe overstretched at work, generally just a bit run down? I know if I'm feeling a bit below par , not even proper ill, I can be a bit irrational over perceived nonsense.

I still think fondly about the boy I was infatuated with aged 14. He was 16 and had left school, so to me, was almost an adult. I thought he was drop-dead gorgeous, on a par with David Cassidy. Yes, I am that old!! He was always friendly to me, but he was never my boyfriend. The 16yo boy, not David Cassidy
I saw him recently and he's just an ordinary, pleasant looking middle-aged man, definitely not someone to set my heart a-flutter. We had a brief conversation about the youth club and the Friday night disco we all used to go to, in front of his wife and my DH - nothing sinister or sneaky and definitely no romance to rekindle.

I don't think you have anything to worry about.

'I 'picked' at it because yours is the only post that is out of sync with the other responses here and because you made your opinion sound as if it was gospel, Pink. '

The thread wasn't finished clearly and you also made up a completely different version to what I said but never mind I will leave you to it.
I won't bite again.
Its pointless me arguing with a liar.

You're not being ridiculous - you can't help how you feel. You're obviously struggling at the moment with self esteem/trust issues, and maybe it's as you said, that you've been under some stress. What I will say is - I'm terrible for worrying about similar stuff but even I dont think there's anything to worry about here - I dont think those messages would bother me at all.

I think you snooped because of being on MN

YES!! I've never had such little faith in men since joining MN I've had some brilliant advice on here but I really should stay off some of the other threads because sometimes it does make you feel like every man in the world will cheat first opportunity they get

I am categorically not a liar, Pink, and I am not lying when I say there was nothing personal in my calling out your response and, for the reason given in my post at 14.52, I would have done so regardless of who made it.

As I make no apology for parodying your words feel free to shoot me

Hi OP, I don't think you have anything to worry about, but don't beat yourself up about feeling weird.. I would have 100% reacted in the same way as you, but as I'm not actually in your position, I can see it from a rational perspective and although it's a bit annoying, it's not a serious thing for you to be worrying about

You are reading WAY too much into this! Next time don’t snoop! It’s such an invasion of his privacy I am sure he’d be quite furious if he found out.

The only person who has done anything wrong here is you OP!

I feel so much better this evening, thank you all. I should never have looked, and I certainly won't be looking again!

Seriously, this is MN at its best. Sound advice, good, positive, helpful support, abit of a laugh and abit of a squabble mixed in too. I know to a lot of people this is a non issue, but this morning I was in a right mess, and now I'm ok after gaining abit of perspective from you. Thank you

I love to laugh and I relish a good squabble especially when I'm the victor It has been gratifying to see a thread on this board where all, except one, are in accord and it has also been most interesting to read the reminiscences of those who've taken the opportunity to relive their teenage years and share their experiences here.

All those teenage crushes and other relationships have shaped your lovely dp into the man he is today - and he's committed to you and not to anyone from his past, OP.

Be optimistic - your future together is bright.

Op I have friends from my teens and twenties that I chat like this with. I spent some summers overseas and have definitely had laughing chats like this with some of those friends I met there since I had kids. Maybe if my husband saw it would look weird it might sound flirty but honestly it's actually totally meaningless banter. It's like a fond memory ???

This actually reminds me of one particular old friend who I sometimes have flirtatious banter with on Facebook even though we never see each other. It's just a silly reminiscent chat about old days that makes us both laugh.

Awww.....definitely nothing there. Just gentle reminiscing about the awkwardness of teenage years.

I'm not a text kiss user either, but I added one to my bluddy lover the other day! That was embarrassing!

LAWYER!!!! LAWYER!!!!!

He has over stepped boundaries.
I wouldn't trust him.

wow, you must keep your man on a very tight restrictive leash.
Personally I think going through his phone was worse than what he did. Basically just chatting to an old school friend he effectively ghosted for 6 months.
Chill out and enjoy your new home and his loving nature.