Male and Female friends

[KiltedDad]

Hi.. so my gf and I have been together for about 5 months and we disagree on something. So she has a Male friend, who lived next door to her a few years ago and they used to spend a lot of time together watching movies and hanging out. Since she moved house a few miles away and they both got into relationships (before me) this died off but they still message and meet up for coffee. When she told me about him, I was fine and it didn't bother me until she told me he tried it on with her a few years back. She told him she wasn't interested and she says that nothing else has happened since.

But also through him she has other male friends. They all meet up at his house for nights in. She's the only female in about 6 guys.

I'm just not comfortable with this. I trust her but I don't trust the guy who tried to kiss her mostly and am just not comfortable with it all. I tried to tell her this but she replied that she would never be alone with the guy who tried to kiss her (which then makes me wonder why) and then said we just need to agree to disagree

I asked her how she would feel if I went to a house full of just women and me to drink the night away and she said she doesn't care... I'm not sure that can be the case surely.

I just don't see why she needs to spend a night with a group of men. It just doesn't sit right with me and I'm not sure I can just take the 'like it or lump it' approach she has.

I get the guys have girl friends and girls have guy friends.. I have female friends I meet up with for coffee I just wouldn't go round their house on my own or even be the only guy when her friends are around

I'm not looking for a lecture I'm looking for advice on what to do... this isn't something I'm willing to budge on. It just doesn't sit right with me so how do I approach it. Thanks

If you aren't prepared to budge on it then ultimately you're calling it a day.

If you trust your girlfriend then it really shouldn't matter whether or not you trust those around her.

Most of my friends are men. I'm not attention seeking, and I don't feel the need to be in male company, it's just how things are because of my hobbies and work. A couple have tried it on when drunk and been firmly told to get back in their friendship box, and it's never been mentioned or reoccurred since.

The thought that I then shouldn't be able to spend time with them is frankly ridiculous.

Walk away if you can't handle it. OP. And you do sound like a total knuckle-dragger.

You can't ask her to give up her friends so you either find a way of dealing with your feelings on it and don't make it into her problem or you end the relationship

This. If you are serious about addressing your jealousy / trust issues then I suggest you go for counselling. Because even if you end it with this GF, your control issues will come up in any subsequent relationship.

Because it’s not 1950 anymore and men don’t get to tell women what to do, even if they are shagging them. In fact coercive control isn’t actually a criminal offence now. So please talk to a professional about this.

Sorry IS actually a criminal offence

Meanwhile MN loses its mind when a DH has a female running partner!

OP I think you should think hard, not an easy one

Meanwhile MN loses its mind when a DH has a female running partner!

Does it? Not that I've seen. Its only deemed an issue when accompanied by 'inappropriate' behaviour.

I have a married male friend. We go to the cinema together and to a hobby together one night a week. We've also gone away for the weekend with this hobby. We are respectful - eg wouldn't share sleeping quarters on our own but have done in a mixed group. I'm friendly with his wife. I dont fancy him and I have no reason to think he fancies me so I don't see that there is a problem tbh.

If a new boyfriend had a problem with my male friends it's not the friends I'd be getting rid of tbh.