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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Frustrated with ex

2 replies

FrustratedMum30 · 15/10/2019 08:12

My ex is a narcissist.
He can’t be wrong, he can’t look like the bad guy and he is a compulsive liar.

He won’t see the kids more than one night/day a week, he ignores me when I try to have a discussion with him about anything to do with the kids, cancels on them at the last minute, lies about why he can’t see them.

He cheat on me with his now gf but denies it all and tried to make me feel crazy.

I’ve had eleven years of being with this horrible person, of being lied to, cheat on, made to feel insane, being disappointed when he’s promises amounted to nothing, so I should be happy we’re no longer together but it’s like I just I can’t escape him, I want to not care what he’s doing, not care how happy he is with his gf but it’s all just so frustrating. He constantly lets the kids down and I can’t stand it but it’s like talking to a brick wall. Why does he get to be happy and I don’t?

How do I cope with this? I feel like I just can’t move on from what he’s done and what he’s still doing to me.
Some days I feel great and I feel happy but most of the time I feel like I’m trapped in my own head and can’t escape a nightmare.

I’m seeing a counseller which is helping but I feel like I’d have to see her multiple times a week for it to make a real impact and I can’t afford that. She says I’m very depressed.

Sorry this is all over the place I don’t feel like I can even put this into order so much has happened.

OP posts:
PurpleWithRed · 15/10/2019 08:21

It’s easy for people to come on here and say ‘you should be so happy, just ignore him’ but many of us know how hard that is.

Have you seen your GP about depression? Has your counsellor given you any practical help in getting over him? Do you keep a journal of any kind (when I’m finding life tough when I go to bed I write down three things during that day that I’m grateful for/made me happy)? Read up on CBT?

One thing I would suggest is to stop trying to get him to realise what a shit he is - it won’t happen. Focus on what you can succeed at: make your kids resilient, happy and safe, minimise your contact with him, feel sorry for his new GF. Flowers it’s a tough time but this too will pass.

FrustratedMum30 · 15/10/2019 08:26

Thank you.

No I’ve not been to the GP I probably should I’m just not sure on antidepressants, it’s not something I’ve done before but I guess it won’t hurt to go and speak to the doctor.

I don’t keep a journal but I do write in my notes section of my phone, I have wrote down all the things he’s done and all the reasons I don’t want to be with him and I re read it when I feel weak or like a failure.

I know he’s an arsehole, I know he will most likely be the same with the gf but I have these thoughts if she is better for him therefore he’s a better person with her and for her.

OP posts:
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