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Original poster

Will I have to give my newborn baby to their dad?

18 replies

Idontknowwhattodo2 · 14/10/2019 19:41

Hi everyone,

I'm nearly 13 weeks pregnant and I'm no longer with the child's father but he wants to be involved.

I'm a little worried though, because when he/she is born I am not going to want them to be staying not with me for nights, not when it's all so new. I can't bear the thought of having my baby taken from me on the weekends or something when they're still so little and dependent on me.

But will I have to let him have her/him?

Of course when baby is older then I would be fine with it, but not while they're so tiny, just panicking a little bit.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 14/10/2019 19:44

No you dont have to let them have your baby overnight until they are much older

HeyNotInMyName · 14/10/2019 19:44

No you won’t and even less so if you are b’fing.
I would take legal advice though so you know where you stand. You also need to check iif you want to put him on the birth certificate.

cansmellfreedom · 14/10/2019 19:45

No he can’t have the newborn baby overnight. New born babies feed every hour. That means all night! I wouldn’t sleep without my baby. He will visit during the day

AdaColeman · 14/10/2019 19:47

If you are not married, are you planning on putting your Ex on your child's birth certificate?

GirlOnIt · 14/10/2019 19:51

Little and often is recommended for young babies. Usually at your house if you're comfortable with that.

0lga · 14/10/2019 19:54

Don’t take your ex with you when you register the baby’s birth.

That way he will have to apply to the court and it will take months.

Give baby your surname. If you and the father get back together and marry you can change baby’s surname then.

GirlOnIt · 14/10/2019 20:00

Yes definitely give baby your same name. But I disagree with @0lga. Unless you're worried he's a threat to the baby, I don't think it's fair not having him on the birth certificate at all.

I'm pregnant to my ex and my solicitor said to offer 2/3 days a week for a hour or so.

GirlOnIt · 14/10/2019 20:00

Surname! Although it also the same name I guess.

june2007 · 14/10/2019 20:08

What your rights are may depend on how you feed. If you bf you have more of a leg to stand on, but if you ff he could arque that he could do this for baby as well so why not overnight.

RolytheRhino · 14/10/2019 20:11

Breastfeed if at all possible
Don't give the baby his surname
Pre-empt the situation by giving him this to read:

www.mediate.com/divorce/pg1034.cfm

Get him to come with you to NCT classes- there's a lot about attachment and you want to get him to see that it's not in the baby's best interests to be parted from you so young.

CodyBurns · 14/10/2019 20:12

It's good that he wants to be involved and I think it is only fair that he has the opportunity to step up and be a father to you child. How was your relationship when you were together?

I think it would be good to sit down with him and discuss arrangements for the baby before he/she arrives so you are both on the same page. Newborn babies need to be fed very frequently all day and night (some days you won't even get off the sofa) - especially if you are breastfeeding.

I wouldn't worry, but it's always best to communicate what's best for your baby ahead of time.

RLEOM · 14/10/2019 23:49

I let my baby stay with her dad for 2 nights from 3 months onwards as she was bottle fed. I feel it's helped her settle quicker into the routine (she's just turned 1), but it has given her separation anxiety. If I could do it all again, I'd have waited until 6 months onwards and just for one night to start.

RLEOM · 14/10/2019 23:55

Can I just add that he did have family or his friend stay at his for the first few weeks to help him settle, and we'd lived together for the first 3 months of our daughter's life, so they both new each other. If this is your ex's first child, I'd definitely wait until baby is at least 1 for overnight stays.

Also, sleep with a baby blanket so it smells of you and then send it with baby to dad's. Buy identical items like toys etc so the child has something familiar.

user1481840227 · 15/10/2019 00:42

You can't keep the dad off the birth certificate for that reason. It's not fair at all. It's also important that the dad and baby are allowed to form a proper bond too and if he's a decent man then mothers should try to facilitate this. The OP hasn't said at all that he's not a decent man, just that they are not together. Imagine as a parent never getting to have an overnight with your baby until they are over the age of 1!! Waking up to a happy baby face is one of the best memories that any parent can make.

Obviously when the baby is very tiny it's different and I don't think it's very good for baby or mummy not to be together at night time, because mothers and babies are wired to want to be close, but definitely after a few months!

VenusTiger · 15/10/2019 01:19

He wants to be in his child’s life and yet PPs are saying don’t put him on birth certificate!! No wonder single dads are constantly slagging their exes off!
OP get advice legally and medically. Talk to ex, don’t threaten him or anything, just remain calm. PPs above have said he can’t take baby away whilst young, so talk all of this through with ex and back info up with facts.
Double barrel both surnames. The child is both yours and your exes.

VenusTiger · 15/10/2019 01:23

@cansmellfreedom every hour!! Poor you.
It’s commonly every 3/4hrs OP.

75Renarde · 15/10/2019 01:45

Absolutly not. No judge in their right mind would separate such a young child from their primary care giver.

Sounds like you have doubts OP. In which case as you are not married, dont put his name down on the birth cert.

Let him show who he is first. Most chances dislike equalling babies. They really do.

Congratulations in your pregnancy OP!

cansmellfreedom · 15/10/2019 06:19

@VenusTiger the first 8 weeks yes! I thought that was normal. Hungry baby maybe. She 6 now not surprisingly an only child x

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