Do you think some men just don't know how to make an effort?!

[Leapoffaith00]

I swiped right on tinder (someone I went to school with). He instantly messaged me and asked if I'd like to meet up for a drink. Usually I like to exchange a few meds but as I know him (children go to the same school), I said I would like to. Texting up to the date which was 2 weeks later as he couldn't meet before was very basic. Where we were going, what time, etc. I didn't think too much of it as we hadn't even had a date. Anyway, went out for the date. It was pleasant. We were able to hold a conversation of interest. Next day, thanks for a lovely date text. A few more texts about what he was doing and said about going out again. I agreed. He was then away watching the football a few days later until the weekend. Didn't message, he didn't either. He returned home and sent a few messages, again about himself. He said he missed seeing my 'sexy face' (which was a bit off putting). I asked if he had fun etc....there was absolutely nothing mentioned about myself (apart from the face bit). Not that I'm saying it's all about me but every conversation we have (is brief and about him). No mention of a 2nd date.
It's just boring me really and making me lose interest. I have had the other end of the scale from texting whilst early dating also. The future faking, love bombing so I appreciate he's not doing that.
I don't know if I'm thinking too much about it. It's just more interesting when you 'feel' someone is interested in you. I just don't feel he is. I don't think he's done anything wrong, I just feel his lack of interest is making me think is this pointless. Shall I just tell him I'm not feeling it (because his lack of interest is making me feel that way). He was married a very long time and only single 18 month. Maybe he doesn't know how to show interest.

Why are you taking your cues from him and his feelings about you?

How do YOU feel about him, really, OP? Take charge of your own thoughts and emotions, and then the answer will be very clear.

I agree with @AFistfulofDolores1. You seem to be suggesting that both of you are only interested in his feelings or level of interest. What do you think of him? Do you want to see him again?

YY, over thinking. He sounds self-absorbed. Why bother? Why owe him a message about feelings when he so clearly doesn't care? Just block him and move on. Tindr is shit.

Narc. Bin.

I don't feel excitement or anything as he hasn't shown enough interest. I'm attracted to conversation and the feeling that someone is showing interest. There has been none of that but I was wondering if it was too early. I see him at my dc's school and he's on my social media etc. How do I politely say I'm not interested because he's a bit rubbish at showing any interest? Or do I just say I'm not interested? I think he should know the reason why.

He sounds boring and self absorbed. Imagine being in a full blown relationship with a man like that. I would ghost.

I wouldn't necessarily gauge interest on text messages, as there are lots of people who don't 'do' texting really, and also texting is easy if you are a charmer.

Go on how fast the dates take place. Within a week at this stage - interested. Over a week, combined with lack of texts - not interested.

I have been caught out before by trusting someones interest via texting. Thats why i thought id nit think too much of it. However, this is the opposite end of the scale. Even if he is a little rubbish at texting, he isn't really interested in communicating. It's been over a week and no mention about a 2nd date. He has sent a couple of messages tgat open with what he is doing or done. I am pleasant and show interest. I try to say something back in regards to myself and he cuts the texts off. Not even have you had a nice weekend? How are you? What have you been up to? It's so off putting. I wouldn't like to ghost anyone. I'm just concerned I'm going to see him occasionally. Do I say I'm not interested because of the lack of his? Or that I'm just not interested. I just feel men should know that they're being a bit rubbish on the communication front!

Maybe he is trying not to look too keen. You said a second date was mentioned? Why don't you text him and ask about the second date? Then once you're on that second date you can drop a very light and flirty tease to him along the lines of 'I'm glad we're talking face to face as we never seem to get much conversation going in text'.

Some people genuinely don't want to get to know someone through text, they want to get to know people in person so they keep the texts reserved. He has been contacting you so that's good and he also did ask you out again. I think at this point, you need to take some control and ask about the second date. Everyone likes to be chased but everyone is also aware coming across too keen is off putting

I think they make an effort when they’re interested

Not sure if I missed it but why haven't you reasked him about the second date? Why is it up to him to ask? If he's not very experienced after coming out a relationship maybe he doesn't know how to bring it up.

If you're not interested, then you're not interested. I don't see why you have to tell him why, just text less and let it fizzle out. You don't owe him anything, it was a date. Just start talking to someone new and text him less.

I was seeing a guy who was a bit like this over txt. It was really boring and made me lose interest in him. I bumped into him a while after I called it off and told him why, he was genuinely really grateful to me for being honest with him and said he'd learn from it. Who knows if he did but I felt like I'd done a good service to the next woman he dated.

If he was interested he’d make sure you knew!
I’d not initiate any conversation it’ll die out itself

Because I'm questioning his lack of interest. I feel I have shown alot to him. I ask him questions and respond pleasantly. I have initiated conversation. If I felt he was expressing interest, I would ask. I don't want to if he isn't.
It's boring. Maybe we both feel the same then.

You aren't showing any interest in him

What the film ' he's just not that in to you' it's on Netflix.
Watched it years ago and it really helps

28halloweenismyseason love that film.
I feel I have shown alot of interest.

Tbh he would bore me as well.

Like you said, you don’t want love bombing but he just sounds like the relationship would be hard work!

Doesn't sound like a goer Op and I'd have been off at 'sexy face' - you should just evaluate whether you like what he's offering, which you don't so what's rhe issue really? Nobody here is going to say that it sounds like he secretly is super enthused but struggling to show it. No need to politely converse to try and encourage him to demonstrate certain things or in the hope he'll reciprocate, you already know he isn't. He should be making more effort if he were keen and very likely would. Instead it seems like he knows you're a given because you will dutifully reply, and will male effort with himso may as well keep up contact.

Personally I'd cool it, save the effort that it seems to be for no return!

I wonder if he's dating other people and keeping his options open with you

The sexy face thing sounds like he's messaged it to someone else as well

I think he should know the reason why.

He really doesn't deserve your time. If you didn't enjoy being with him, if you are indifferent to whether you ever see him again, he doesn't deserve any space or time in your head.