I had an affair and am in addiction therapy

[hdt76]

So, I had an emotional affair last year which turned into something much bigger. The affair was talking, hugging, kissing and some mild sexual contact without going for the whole full-blown sex bit! It was exciting and fun but I realised it was masking a big problem with my relationship with my husband. I told my husband everything and finished the affair, me and my husband got counselling, spoke lots about our relationship and began to repair. I even asked my husband to renew our vows which we did this year. However, we got so honest with each other, we talked about fantasies and I mentioned that the thought of two guys was exciting. I was quite prepared to leave that as a fantasy, but my husband said if I were to go there, who with? I couldn’t answer, but the filtered down version is that me, my husband and the guy I had the affair with had a threesome. It was exciting and I knew I was in dangerous territory, but we’ve since done it again several times. I ended up having a nervous breakdown. I’ve been to counselling and am in regular contact with my doctor about my mental health. The other guy has been struggling with some very bad issues lately and actually tried committing suicide recently and I feel like I can’t cut contact with him at this time. But I’ve also become addicted to him and to helping him. Please don’t reply with “you’re stupid” coz I already know. I’m currently going to an addiction therapy group, as I used to be addicted to shopping and replaced that with him. I fear that without him, I’m going to replace it with something worse.

So sorry you've been through such a rough time. Hugs xxxx Glad to hear you're in therapy and under the doctor- you might find it helpful to have individual therapy as well as group.

I think you need professionals to advise you.

Try and distance yourself from the OM, at least for now. It doesn't sound like being involved with him is healthy for either of you. If he goes on about immediate thoughts of suicide, just call 999, that's the right way to handle it.

Tell him to get psychiatric and psychological (if need be) help, if he hasn't already, and if a particular approach or med doesn't work, to keep going back to the doctors/trying different therapists until they find something that does. There's only so much you can do, and it's not your responsibility in that you're not trained and/or don't have the necessary professional distance to help him.

I don't think you'll replace him with drugs or something- you're getting all the help you can and determined to be as well as you can be. Best wishes xxxxx

Thank you. I am trying to heal and make myself a better person. I was so normal and what I thought was boring before - I so wish I could just go back to that, but it seems such a faraway goal at the moment.