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Relationships

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Original poster

Friends date still looks after ex’s children

18 replies

Autumnleaves114 · 14/10/2019 15:27

My friend and I have started online dating. She’s not on Mumsnet so I said I’d post this.
She met a date she likes and he mentioned he still looks after ex’s kids sometimes ie takes them on days out. He said relationship with this ex was just over a year long. She’s cynical as am I and she’s convinced he’s not still seeing his ex.
But why would he still take the kids on days out? If they had spilt up would that not be confusing for the children? Children are younger than teens.
When I spilt up with my long term I then didn’t see the kids as it would just be confusing for them and the relationship was over.
Any ideas?

OP posts:

ChuckleBuckles · 14/10/2019 15:55

Presuming the DC are not his, he could be that rare unicorn of a kind man that is considerate, and doesn't want to cut the kids off when he was so actively involved in their lives. Alternatively he has not actually split from the ex and is laying the ground work just in case your mate spots him out with the kids. Either way I would run far away from him because he is still entangled with his ex in one form or another and not truly free to pursue a relationship with anyone else. Think logically how this would work, even the best case scenario he is a kind man, will he expect your friend to meet the ex's kids, will he be dropping plans with friend to babysit kids, or expecting your friend to babysit with him ,is your friend happy to put the kids of her BF exgf first?

LuckyBilly · 14/10/2019 16:03

I split from my ex early this year and he still takes my kids out and comes to see them. My kids don't see their biological father though and see my ex as their dad, so they would be gutted if they didn't see him and there is nothing going on between me and my ex, except friendship. This was a much longer relationship though and I must admit it seems strange to be doing that after a relationship of only a year.

Original poster

Autumnleaves114 · 14/10/2019 16:21

Good point Chucklebuckles- we had thought this as well ie that he had split but is, as you say, still entangled. My friend said, and I agree, that we could understand it more if it was a relationship of maybe > 5years or something

OP posts:

BumbleBeee69 · 14/10/2019 16:24

I wouldn't have a relationship with this man OP. Plenty more who can focus on your friend out there

Blueoasis · 14/10/2019 16:30

He's either a mug and is being used by the ex as a free babysitter, or he's not as single as he claims.

I would go with the others on he may just have a good relationship with them but after a year? Presumably he hasn't actually known them that whole time either so a matter of months. Not likely.

Slappadabass · 14/10/2019 16:34

If they had been together a long time and he had been a active part of their lives for years then I'd say good for him. I know a few step dad's that are still involved with their ex's kids but it was a very long term relationship. But after a year relationship, that seems weird, it's not like he's been a father figure to them. I think I'd be backing off and finding someone with no strings.

Original poster

Autumnleaves114 · 14/10/2019 16:39

Blueoasis and Slappadabass- yes although I haven’t met him, with this scenario, I think the more likely situation is that he still has strings/ not as single as he claims - due to the fact that as you’ve said, it’s not like he has been a father figure to them/ been there for years.

OP posts:

wishywashy6 · 14/10/2019 16:47

Hard to say I guess, but I think if I split with my partner he'd still want to see the kids and I'd be happy for him to, they're very close. He's not their father but he treats them as his own and they adore him so if they wanted to continue a relationship with him I wouldn't stop them.

DBML · 14/10/2019 16:53

Well, a relative of mine still takes his ex’s child on days out etc, but that’s because they also had a child together and he just takes both.

Perhaps he did just really love the children and still wants to see them?

Or he could be a complete mug; a complete weirdo or lying to make himself sound like a doting dad type of person.

BumbleBeee69 · 14/10/2019 22:39

if they had a child together and they're taking them along with their own kid then that's completely different, obviously

BumbleBeee69 · 14/10/2019 22:44

I would also be suspicious of a Man who wished to take kids (not his) out even after the relationship has ended.

Not everyone is just... a nice guy

theoldmanfromup · 14/10/2019 22:45

Yeah, my ex still sees my son. We broke up in March after nearly 5 years together. My son asks for my ex to come to watch him play sport etc, he asks to call my ex after achievements at school, not his own father. I'm pleased they still have a great relationship, he's a good guy. After one year.. maybe a little odd. Depends on age of child, intensity of relationship and whether bio father is still on the scene IMO.

baileys6904 · 14/10/2019 22:49

Thank god men arent as bad as mumsnet makes out. I know plenty of men that enjoy the relationship they develop with a partners kids and they would miss it if they couldn't maintain it after a split.

Stop being so man hating mumsnet fgs

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 14/10/2019 22:51

He may have known the mother and her children for a lot longer but only been dating a year.

I think it's more likely he's still involved though.

thebakerwithboobs · 14/10/2019 22:56

Maybe he just loves the kids and is a decent human?

BumbleBeee69 · 14/10/2019 23:02

Stop being so man hating mumsnet fgs

it's not man hating.. check every single one of my posting history... I am not a man hater, but peadophiles do exist, you may wish to hide from that fact but they still exist. Just err on the side of caution for one of several reasons why a man in a short relationship would wish to continue having a 'day out; with young kids.

you call it man hating.. I call it caution.

Allthematchingchristmasclothes · 15/10/2019 01:50

My son has told me in the past that if me and DP split up he will still go and visit him (he was about 6 when he said this) I think it’s nice. How long ago did they split up?

Original poster

Autumnleaves114 · 15/10/2019 06:58

She didn’t get any ‘wierd’ vibes from him. From reading the opinions I’m thinking it’s maybe to do with not wanting to completely let go of the relationship or something, while also dating.

OP posts:

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