Why does exH and his gf do this?

[JustWhyReasons]

ExH and I have been divorced for some time and split up 6.5 years ago. He's been with his gf for 7 years. We have 2 dc together.

Gf is constantly criticising my choices such as where I shop, my skincare products, where we live, the school dds go to (ex does this too) and various other things. It really upsets the kids. FWIW the school is very good and it's non of her business if I shop at Sainsbury's instead of Lidl like she does.

ExH on the other hand along with joining in with the piss taking, tells the kids how pretty I am, that I've got gorgeous hair and most recently that marrying me was the best thing he ever did He is a violent abusive man and I wish I'd never met him (except for the kids of course) and he has continued to be abusive since he left me. I'd rather he didn't even think about me and these comments turn my stomach because of what he's done over the years.

Is this some good cop-bad cop tag team designed to keep the kids confused and to relay it all back to me to keep up the coercive control?

Kids are 12 and 11.

I particularly love that his gf tells dc that if I didnt buy a particular item (costing £30 and bought three years ago) then I'd be able to afford to do more activities with them

No doubt less than the cost of who knows how many meals and drinks he bought for them on your family money while having an affair.

He's trying to abuse you through the only route he has. She's clearly a jealous, nasty shitty sad person ... Who also doesn't care about the kids (but then she wouldn't have gotten involved with a married man if she did) .... Ignore ignore ignore - and whatever else helps your kids deal with their shiftiness and selfishness.

That is what they do best - triangulating

blog.melanietoniaevans.com/a-deeper-look-at-triangulation/

She also sounds like she thought she was going to get a good economic prospect in him, didn't quite understand the wife's eck.onic contribution, the need for cm etc and has a lower lifestyle than she'd like, hence a the obsessing over where you shop (not Lidl) and what skincare brand you use -his fkg dare you not use superdrug own brand ... Do you not know you're supposed to slink off to s slum somewhere and live off 5 quid a week so she can have a better lifestyle with your ex husband whom she had an affair with.

Typical OW.

Is this some good cop-bad cop tag team designed to keep the kids confused and to relay it all back to me to keep up the coercive control?

Yes.

He is a violent abusive man

Any "why?" question you have about his behaviour (and a lot of hers), this is basically the answer.

It will be better for the children if you don't make excuses, minimise, cover up or try to explain it away. Better to be clear and state it's wrong. Which will also validate their distress about it.

ScreamingLadySutch that rang so many bells I have a headache.

Dd1 is scared of her because she shouts and is moody and will deprive them of electronics if they don't behave. I shout but apparently I'm a kitten compared to her lion. I take electronics off them as punishment but they don't care very much as they know they can be on them 24/7 there. It doesn't add up though as if she does take things off them it's for about an hour as they "earn" them back. I think the actual fear is that because it's her house, if they misbehave to the extent they do here. They she'll tell their dad they aren't welcome to go there anymore. They are still hurting from him walking out and he's not been a great dad since. He lives with the gf and her existing kids and their two kids they've had together so my two dc feel very much replaced in his life and won't do anything that will rock the boat too much. It's very sad.