What do you think?

[babayjane67]

Hi
I've written about my dp a few times.been together 12 yrs know him for 15.
We have an 11 yr old DD.we bicker alot&she's often there when we do so hears it all.
I've been wondering lots of different things about him,gaslighting etcwhwther we should actually even still be together.we had a big blow out few months ago&I told him we had to talk properly about things or this could be the end of us.i did manage to tie him down to talk &he said we would communicate more etc which we don't do alot of.hes not a great talker.
We haven't had sex for 8yrs but that's not all down to him.ive had lots of gynae probs.
Anyway we had a bit of a falling out on way out taking our DD to school this morn.so all in front of her again.i ended up telling him to do it himself,kissed DD goodbye told her I wa sorry it's not her fault&left him to it.
I'm sat here now wondering about alot if things again.things that happened a long time ago at the beginning of our relationship.the biggest thing being that I had a miscarriage at 7/8 weeks.he stayed with me for few hrs then left me at home to go to a theme park with a friend's dd.i asked him not to or at least to re think going as I was very upset&it was our first pregnancy but he refused saying u really expect me to let a little girl down?? So he went.so while I was in a mess losing our first baby he was having loads of fun at a theme park with his friend &her DD!
Obviously I've got on with it&we stayed together but it's always stuck in my head.
I duno what I want from this really but thanks if u read this far.sometimes I think I should leave others I think we are ok.

Hello sorry you are having a tough time. Would some couples therapy help? You clearly have resentment from the time of the miscarriage which was clearly traumatic. Do you love him? If not it would be better to end the relationship as you are clearly really unhappy

Thanks for yr reply Lozzer.
I suggested counseling when we had our talk but he said no.he doesn't think we need it.
Honestly? I don't know if I do.i go from thinking I can't do this anymore I want out to yea he's ok we will be fine.
It's never that easy to end is it.easir said than done.we have quite a bit if debt weve been paying off&there's no way I could pay all that off on my own.
Also dd is a daddy's girls always has been.always takes his side on things too silly things.if we bicker she hates it.has told me that&I can see her looking at us&just pretending to carry on playing or whatever.or she tuts&sighs.i said to dp that it's not good for her&she hates it but he's dismissive.

Stop arguing in front of your DD.
You need to take the lead, be an adult, and walk away before things escalate.
This is a terrible example to be setting her.
Are you loving at all?
Do you hold hands, cuddle, kiss each other?
Do you share household tasks?
If you realise things are escalating in future then please walk away.
Or just stop talking at all.
You did the right thing morning. You need to do more of that.
And you absolutely need some couples counselling. If he won't agree then I think it's ultimatum time!

Hellsbells not very loving no.thats another bugbear I have that he's never demonstrative unless I always make the first move.he will kiss me good morn or good night but that's it.evwryrhing else has to be initiated by me.as regards housework he will do things HE. Wants to do.so if he decides to do something on his day off or whatever he will do it but if I ask him to do something but he doesn't want to he won't! Although to be fair to him I did so him to vacuum the other day&although he moaned as usual he did do it.not as good as I would have but he did it.he usually does most of the shopping both for us&an elderly relative.he puts the recycling/bins out.will only empty the kitchen bin though.the rest are my job.he did actually clean the kitchen bin the other day when I asked him to so perhaps things are sinking in a bit more I don't know.