Hi all,
I’m truly hoping for a few words of wisdom. I was in a 14 year relationship which became abusive (mental, financial) we have a ds together who was a year and a half when we split. I had counselling, read seventy jillion self help books and 9 months after we split I started to date again (I know realise it was WAY too soon) met a guy and fell into a relationship. We had zero in common, he lived 80 miles away and had no interest in my son. I stayed with him for 16 months and then he dumped me by text! I had a bit of a breakdown, finally got more counselling, realised that everything still went back to me not dealing with the repercussions of being in a nasty abusive relationship. In June this year I finally felt truly happy again. My son is amazing, my friends and family are brilliant, I love my job, I’m finally making headway into the £26k debt my ex left me in. So, I decided to try online dating again. I had a few terrible dates, but I was just quite happy to meet new people. In July I met a guy. He’s a year older, good job, no kids. We had loads in common, same sense of humour etc etc. He lives a 5 minute drive from me. We’ve seen each other quite a bit (2-3 at least a week) my friends and family love him (they hated both my exes) I introduced him to my son last week (just as my friend, luckily I have a lot of male friends who he sees regularly so this wasn’t a big deal) and they got on like a house on fire.
All seems good, right? It is. Apart from my anxiety.
He’s not a big texter (which is fine!) but, sometimes it can send me into a spiral. He had a very busy job in London and so he’s busy in the day (as am I) but sometimes if he doesn’t send what my brain has decided to be the ‘appropriate level of attention’ I think he’s gone off me. I read Into everything he sends. It’s stupid and it drives me mad!!
I know it’s because I’m worried he will suddenly up and leave me or fuck me over. I honestly don’t think he would and my life would be just as good without him (sounds harsh I know but when I got back into dating I promised myself whoever I met needed to add to our life not be our life) and he really does add to it. We’re going away at the end of November for a weekend in Edinburgh which he initiated, he rings me pretty much every night I don’t see him to make sure my days been good.
Essentially ladies I’m just looking for reassurance that my brain will stop! I have some great coping mechanisms and strategies that help me. I just feel like a bit of a failure a times. I just want to enjoy what we have rather than panic!