Please tell me that this feeling will go away

[Stripes66]

My partner and I and our two children had our house on the market for a long time. In that time, we certainly had many ups and downs and nearly split up. He goes through phases of being very moody and difficult to live with and then comes out the other end for a while and I wonder what all the fuss was about when I’d felt so sad. When things are good, they’re fab and I couldn’t imagine life without him but when they’re bad, I literally can’t stand him.
We’ve finally sold and are about to exchange contracts and although last week I was completely excited, he’s had a dip again and I’ve not had a great weekend and now I feel physically sick about moving to a new house. The house is in a new area which is beautiful but it’s a new area. The kids will be going to another school and secondary school eventually and I’m scared to death that I will carry on feeling like this and will uproot the kids again if we split. I’m not scared of moving again but I am scared of uprooting the children of it happens.
I feel like a complete and utter mess about the whole thing and I can’t talk to anyone because I don’t want to look stupid if I go against what they advise me. Please help ☹️

Has your DH been to the doctors? Sounds very much like depression. Some medication or therapy could help. I have been in a relationship with someone with depression and it sounds very similar to what you are saying. Eventually told him he either sought help or we were done and he got the help.

Agree with PP, this definitely sounds like depression from my experience of it.
My exDH was exactly the same and it was draining, and awful to live with. He refused to get help for so long that by the time he did our marriage was dead and buried.
So I totally understand your fears, and would urge you to get him to see the GP.

Thank you both, you’re probably right. We’ve spoken about this before but he believes that if he saw a doctor, then it would be on his medical records and that he wouldn’t get another job if he moved positions as they require medical history. It’s really making me feel ill with worry. I want to love him all if the time. I keep trying so hard to hang onto the little things he does but I know deep down that this is how he is and it frightens me. We’ve had weekends that have been ruined because of his moods but lovely times too. We have a lovely little family and so lovely things with our kids, all the little things that I didn’t have growing up because my dad wasn’t around. I just want to stop worrying and I want everything to be ok. I don’t want to be on my own, away from the family, but I want his nice episodes to be more consistent. I keep seeking out to find out what’s normal and whether relationships are just this way. I keep withdrawing from him and not wanting to be anywhere near him to not wanting to be away from him and it’s awful because it’s mentally exhausting.

This is not normal, it's someone with mental health issues- perhaps personality disorder traits due to past trauma or something.

If he does it again, you could insist he gets therapy- you shouldn't have to put up with that, it's not fair on you, nor should your kids.

I don't think depression or something like that on one's medical records would be a problem, as it's so common. A condition which rules someone out for a job, even teaching or whatever, (I know because I did some teacher training, and several people with depression got in) is very rare. It would have to be something like bipolar or schizophrenia, and even then only if the person isn't stable on medication.

It doesn’t sound like depression to me. Sounds like a moody twat. I was married to one of those and took moving house as an opportunity to leave him and move into rented.

Best thing I ever did.

As a teacher, schools check my medical records. Depression and borderline personality disorder. Never had a problem getting a job. They only check after they offered the position and as far as I'm aware mh is a protected disability so they can't withdraw an offer for mental health issues oif you are capable of doing the job and are having treatment. Perhaps another poster could clarify that?