Been dumped, help me process it please!

[spydaz]

I can't make sense of what has happened. I met a man 6 months ago, we had instant chemistry. I fell hard in love with him, and he appeared to with me. The physical side was incredible. We talked about marriage and the future, planned to move in together etc. He said how strongly he felt about me, messaged and phoned me constantly, wanted to see me most days.
Now, he's dumped me. No real explanation, just lots of talk about how different we are, and he's not sure he can see a future. I just felt numb and shocked.
I haven't contacted him (it's been a week) but I'm desperate to, to get closure and to ask him which is real - the stuff he said about love and future, or dumping me. They can't both be real.
Can anyone offer any insight into why he did that? And any advice on how I get over this and move on?

Look up love bombing. It's a real thing and totally awful when it happens to you. I'm so sorry this has happened to you!

Oh yes! It was the strangest thing. The dumping coincided shortly after I'd disagreed with him on something and really stood my ground. Maybe it was a punishment for that. Wow, what a guy! I should just feel relief I know, that I didn't waste anymore time on him, I'm just trying to work through it and make sense of it

What was it you disagreed on?

It's such a shock to the system and it feels so wonderful while it is happening but I bet if you lift the cover, you'll see there were probably small signs there. And yes, the minute you told him something he didn't like, he showed his true colours! You've definitely dodged a large bullet there!

As PP said, he love bombed you. I’m sorry.

Love bomber and possible narcissist. Look up that too and see if there were any other signs. He basically didn't like you disagreeing with him. What a loser. You've dodged a bullet.
Going forward, if a guy is OTT early on then see it as a red flag.

What did you disagree about.

Do you think your stance on that made him think you weren’t right together or the fact you dared to disagree with him & stood your ground?

You will probably need to resign yourself to not knowing! It’s very difficult when you’ve fallen so hard, but better now than later 🌷

What did you disagree on?

On the surface it’s easy to say that it was all him, that you were being lovebombed and that he was teaching you a lesson. But depending on the disagreement if it was something fundamental then ending a relationship could be the only thing he saw.

There are things which would be instant deal-breakers for me such as drugs or certain views or if a man put down my children. In that case I too would do the “we’re just different,” thing and end the relationship without question.

OK this is shit but why oh why do so many women here think men are automatically abusive, love bombing, psychopaths?

This happened to me a few years ago. It's soul destroying but looking back the guy was a tool who was incredibly selfish and immature.
Fundamentally he probably isn't a terrible man but very immature and hadn't considered you at anytime.

You won't get closure from him. You will however get closure from deleting his number and trying not to over complicate a very selfish man x

Couldn’t agree more PumpkinCandle!

Exactly. If you had decided that you were no longer feeling the same and decided to end it, would that make you the love bomber narcissist covert or otherwise?

All these labels! People change their minds all the time and hurtful as it feels, it's probably not really about you in the long run.

If you thought that was a healthy, normal relationship you need to do the Freedom Programme before you date again. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Always at least one fuckwit protesting that abuse is love and everyone is being too hard on the poor man.

In a 6 month relationship this is grooming and love bombing:

We talked about marriage and the future, planned to move in together etc. He said how strongly he felt about me, messaged and phoned me constantly, wanted to see me most days.

If you don't know what a major warning sign that is you shouldn't be dating.

Yet some couples meet, fall in love quickly and do marry. Are they love bombing psychopaths doomed to divorce in a couple of years?

And fuckwit is just yet another label for someone with a different opinion. Very childish.

@Pumpkin, you say that he's not a lovebombing narcissist but then go on to describe two of the exact traits of a lovebombing narcissist (incredibly selfish and immature).

OP I totally agree he's likely a narcissist and you have been love bombed. It's not normal to talk about together forevers at only 6 months in and you caused a narcissistic injury when you disagreed with him which is why he broke up with you.

He'll be back to lovebomb you again soon so block him on everything.

I agree with you,, the words narcissistic and so on are used far too often. Without any insight. Let's jump on the bandwagon and if it doesn't go our way, their evil bastards.

Hang on, the op hasn't said what it was about, so maybe they was not meant to be.
He could off just expressed his feelings as he was feeling them. Always 2 sides to a story

I've been known to feel too much too soon and then realise that it wasn't as great as i thought. Maybe I'm a love bombing narcissist who knows.
It's all about perception and people are allowed to change their minds.
Sorry you are hurt OP, definitely don't contact him though.

Are you ok OP?

Oh so sorry, this has just happened last week by another friend of mine. Full on relationship, talking about a future, marriage etc etc in a space of a few months. Then he dumped her last week, she hasn't heard from him since. Said he needed space as it was getting too much. Men do things in the moment and I dont doubt that he meant all he said. Right now he has changed his mind, everyone has a right to change their mind. It doesn't make them a narc or anything else....just he has changed his mind. Don't be surprised if he changes his mind again....then that is then up to you what to do.

I can relate to this experience and whatever label/explanation you attach to it, the confusion & dissonance of the sudden u-turn is extremely painful & makes recovery lengthy. You doubt your, judgement about the situation, the man, your sense of perspective...it's rough. I feel for you OP.