emptyinside,
I don't have children, but apart from that have felt pretty much the same as you. Up until the start of June it had been nearly 2 years since my husband and I had had sex, and along with that came a lack of cuddles and kisses. I'd been very ill with pneumonia and then in hospital with mental illness/stuck round the house. I put on weight, lost my confidence and motivation, felt worthless and disgusting. I'd been raped when I was 17, so 6-7 years ago now, and that had always played in the back of my mind, although I said and still say it isn't a big factor in everything. I also had the coil fitted last year and that made me feel a bit pooey at first, but it's ok now that my periods have settled back to once a month. I was taking heavy medication and then stopped taking them in May because I was fed up of how they were affecting me!
So anyway, in June, I suddenly found my amorous side - maybe stopping the drugs, my hormones settling, having been working full time for a few months, being fitter again, the counselling which had just ended... a mixture of things I think. It was hard the first time and although I enjoyed it at the time, I felt sick afterwards; then a couple of weeks later it happened again and I felt the same afterwards. But between these times we had become more affectionate with eachother - cuddles etc. Then we went away at the end of July and went out for the evening and had ahem a lovely evening, which didn't leave me feeling sick and the next day made me smile. So I think it was a sake of 'getting back to it' and 'the more you do it...' But also, the affection that naturally came with it and inbetween it, has made me feel a lot better about things.
My husband and I do have big difficulties we have to work through, but as someone else has said, my role model for relationships was my dad having loads of affairs and my mum leaving him, him finding us with the cases and throwing us out into the street in the middle of winter (my brother was a small baby). So I don't have much to go on, and relationships are difficult for me. We do argue and I used to get quite angry during arguments, but since my CAT I seem to have calmed down a lot. I get bored, wonder if the grass IS greener, forget what I have. Then I remember that my husband accepts what and who I am, loves what and who I am, we have a laugh together some of the time, enjoy holidays and hobbies together and are generally good companions. I can't agree with him on everything, and I still have other male friends, some gay, who I would say are to me what he can't be. But I appreciate him for what he is and how he has supported me, and know he will make a great father.
If you really can't stomach staying with this man, I would leave. It isn't best for the children to have two people who resent each other for holding each other back, which is what will probably happen. As they get older, they will notice things as well. On the other hand, remember that the grass is not always greener; you won't always find a companion like DH. You may find someone who is good in bed and turns you on in that area, but would they be someone who, if you found yourself having trouble in bed, you could talk with honestly about it, like DH? Would relationship fatigue set in there as well after a while?
I haven't read the whole thread, only about 10 posts, so sorry if I am going over old ground!
Good luck with whatever you decide.xx