Appropriate timing to ask to be bridesmaid?

[Katie782]

Hello,

Recently engaged and going to have a quiet wedding abroad of around 30-50 people. Family only. I’m going to have two bridesmaids, my cousin and planning to ask my sister-in-law. I’ve already asked my cousin.

I have a large family meal with finance’s family coming up and wondering whether this would be a nice time to ask his sister. She lives far away so I don’t see her often, just a couple of times a year. The meal is joint for her 30th birthday and for the grandmothers birthday. Would me asking her to be bridesmaid take the “limelight” away from the birthdays and onto me? I don’t want to do this, although this is the first time any of them have seen me since we got engaged in August.

Another consideration is that finances older sister will be there. She has three children who will be involved in the wedding as flower girl and page boys. However I wasn’t planning to ask her to be a bridesmaid as well. Not sure if this could cause offence. She will be present with her children at the meal.

I wouldn't ask her at the party not appropriate timing

Gosh no...

Thought this was going to be about you asking to be a bridesmaid. I had my popcorn ready.

Why don’t you just phone her and ask? I think it’s better done as a private moment between the two of you. Also saves embarrassment if she declines.

I would be really happy for you to ask me at my birthday meal. I definitely wouldn't see it as you stealing my limelight.
I don't think that you should ask her in front of her sister though, not unless you're having them both as bridesmaids.
I have to be honest, if I was the older sister I would be a bit upset that you were having my younger sister as a bridesmaid and not me.
I would possibly be unreasonable to feel that way and I most definitely would not say anything. It would hurt a bit though, even if my dc were flower girls.

I think picking one sister and not the other might cause upset, especially as you aren't particularly close to the sister you are picking. As the older sister's children are involved you are asking everyone except her to be part of your wedding. Be sensitive and expect your relationship with her to cool.