Breakup logistics - help please

[Breakuplogistics]

NC for this

I’m 7 months pregnant and I don’t feel I can’t be with my DH any longer as our relationship has become toxic . I don’t want to go into too much detail as it will be very long but basically:

DH is an alcoholic, I have little tolerance for this as I am a child of an alcoholic so I am admittedly more sensitive than most. My fuse has gotten shorter for it over the yrs and I can’t take it anymore. On Friday he sank 3 bottles of wine and at least 2 pints of cider , (sat downstairs on his own) but he ‘won’t stop as he enjoys it and I’m the one with the issues, not him’ so I’m currently staying with family. He was due to go out drinking yday and said ‘well, I was going to have a sensible few drinks but since you will kick off no matter, what I might at well get shit faced’ looking at the bank account it does indeed look like he had a very good time of it. Throw in countless rows surrounding booze and my apparent ‘mummy issues’ and sprinkle on some mild gaslighting. Considering he said he would stop drinking when I got pregnant I actually feel he drinks much more now.

Anyhoo I’m done
But where the hell do you start?

We have a mortgage. He earns vastly more than I do . I feel I will be totally financially fucked. I’m due to go on maternity leave next month

Basically I’d like some advice on separating from those who have done so in the past as like I said I just don’t know where to start.

I should add that he has on numerous occasions said:
He will go for full custody
He wants everything he has put into the house paid back to him + money he gave me to buy a car fiver years ago
Basically he will wipe the floor with me

Possibly the drink talking but I’m not sure

It's a tricky one because your partner's behaviour most likely will be controlled by addiction rather than just being a bit of a bellend.

Have you spoken to him about his drinking and where he can get support? If he earns decent money could he pay for some councilling? Does he truly know how his drinking effects you?

Maybe if you have an honest conversation when he is sober and say that if he doesn't leave you and baby are gone then it night spur him to change.

Hi thanks for reply
Yes we have discussed this at length but he is adamant he does not have a problem and therefore will not be seeking help
The fact that his ‘harmless’ drinking affects me is my problem and stems from my ‘mummy issues’
He has had a few wake up calls , getting brought home by the police etc but within a few days he will be at it again
It’s time to get the ball rolling on separating

I highly doubt he would get all that given you are pregnant and he is an alcoholic.

@Breakuplogistics I grew up with an alcoholic mother and I am so bothered by it I do not allow alcohol in my house at all. If my partner were to even have a beer in the house I would not be able to be in the same room, so if you've had trauma in your childhood it is totally understandable that you would react moreso than others.

He should respect that and try and adapt his behaviour if he has any sort of empathy to your situations. Having said that, if you are sensitive to alcohol then you might benefit from some therapy too to discuss your mother.

I'm sorry that he isn't listening or being supportive. Ultimately if you're not happy, your asking him to stop his habits and he's not then you're totally within your right to leave. Sorry you're experiencing this, its such a sad situation to be in, especially if the addicts cannot recognise their behaviour - often they're obtuse to the sadness they cause everyone around them. Addiction is a very selfish thing.

Everything he said is just to keep you in your place - there's no danger he'll carry through or actually get what he's threatening

Firstly, get legal advise, you can normally get half an hour free, then call woman's aid, why? Because they may be able to advise you on where to go for help and also because with alcohol comes toxic behaviour. Maybe not on your relationship? Then hold a diary, write down incidents. If you are married he will not be able to wipe you out financially, but I am not legally trained, but perhaps someone on here can advise you better

So apparently everyone he’s spoken to about this says I’m totally out of order and that what he drinks isn’t unusual and that I’m controlling

OMG sounds like my partner. I’m guessing his mates are the same as him? Don’t even listen to their input they will be full of shit like your partner is.

I’d see if you can get on the council housing list? Or maybe stay with family until your baby arrives. I’m in a similar position to you but not a severe and it sucks.

He just won’t be admitting how much he drinks
No can argue that still being pissed most weekend mornings after drinking at least 3 bottles of wine on your own/ a bottle (at least) every work night is acceptable