narcissist and tinder

[sillyknickers1234]

so I just need some support really.

im really struggling.

basically all year I have been trying to break up with my narcissitic boyfriend. well I finally have this week. this tho is about the 10th time I have.
so I hadn't blocked him as I was scared too so basially was just using the grey rock method which was ok but everytime he text me it set me back,
then I get a message from a friend to say she has seen him on tinder? like what the fuck! this guy has been doing everything to get me back while gong on tinder looking for someone else.

so I messaged him telling him what I found out and that's hes a dick and then blocked him on everything.

but I feel sick at the thought of him meeting someone else I keep thinking of unblocking him to have another go at him and tell him what a dick he is and how can he do this to me!

its not a good idea tho right? this feeling will pass and I wont care who hes with soon?

Keep him blocked and don't react.

im really trying but its so hard!

Every time you go to unblock him, think of all the bad things he's ever done, said etc. Stay strong and it will get easier.

Don't even worry about him meeting someone else, he will only be the same with them eventually that he is with you now!

Everything a narcissist says is a lie. It’s is HIS weakness that he cannot be alone for 2 minutes before going back online dating. He doesn’t care for you or anyone else except himself. They don’t love you, the love the love you give them. It hurts but you do know that the next girl will get exactly the same treatment. They have no souls and no integrity.

You really need to understand that you are dealing with something completely different to you.

He is a predator, you are prey. He will do what predators do. Your only choice is to be eaten prey, or the prey that gets away.

He is what he is. He will destroy you if he has the chance. As his prey, you have the choice.

Going No Contact (NOT NO RESPONSE! No Response is a test of willpower that everyone fails eventually) is hard. Having contact and being repeatedly destroyed is hard. But you get to choose your hard.

He will not change. A crocodile will never be a kitten, however often it purrs. Don;t be fooled by the purrs, and they are so beguiling that you need to stop the purrs ever reaching you.

as hard as it is I would try to wash my hands of him. I know its easier said than done but you will get past the feelings eventually. break ups are never easy especially when the ex is playing games like that. I notice you said he's a narcissist. I work with a narcissist and this dude has every trait of a narcissist. he's a vile human being who feeds on others misfortune. if your ex is the same then look at this as a lucky escape. get from him.. move on.. your feelings will suppress in time. let your friends know you dont want to know anything of him. keep yourself busy and dont give him any reactions at all. simply remove him from your life and let people know his ship has sailed and you dont care. dont give him anything to feed on because thats what those fuckers thrive on

As others said, they have nothing but an dark place where their soul should be. A pit of need and hate and gluttony.

He will be as nasty to the next person as he is you. I'm sorry but, you were never special to him. But nor will anyone else be.

Continue to read up on narcissists, the more you learn, the more it sinks in what vile slimey leaches they really are. And keep him blocked on everything.

thankyou all for your messages! I knew tonight was going to be hard I just didn't realise how hard. especially after finding out hes on tinder!

how can someone make you feel so special and so crap all at the same time?

like his good bits were so good and the promises sounded so good, but I just couldn't get over the cheating and lies and the fact he was stuck in his routine and wouldn't ever do anything else but his routine. I had to fit in around him or lump it basically

unfortunately people can be so nasty. keep your chin up and dont give in. no one deserves to be treated like this. having you struggle with your feelings is probably part of the game to him. he will literally feed from your sadness if he knows of it

Cheating and lying isn't something for you to 'get over' though. So good on you for putting your foot up his arse n shunting him outa your life.

yes @Dave654 that's so true. as when im fine and getting on with life he cant understand it and gets angry and keeps saying well u cant love me like u say you did otherwise u wouldn't be able to do this. this was all before I found out he is a narcissist and so I would try and prove and explain I did love him I just cant get over what he has done.

@pinkbonbon thankyou. I just don't know why I didn't stay gone when I found out. he is just so good with words and making me feel so loved that I went back. too many times.

Not so much towards you case, but maybe if you had got back together he wouldn't be on tinder, but most advice on here is move on and find someone else. I suppose it works both ways

What is helping me get through the trauma of being with a narcissist for 18 years is Pinterest. I pin different quotes and items to do with narcissists . It helps educate yourself on the abuse they put you through and helps you to stay away from the dickheads.

I also watch videos on YouTube about it. Inner integration, Narc Survivor , Sarah Speaks, Richard Grannon, Ralph Smart. there's loads!

Stay no contact. Get rid of any of his stuff laying about. Delete photos. Tell any mutual friends that you don't want to hear about what he is upto.
It will take time to get over him as you will be trauma bonded and it acts like an addiction on the brain. So you are effectively detoxing him out of your life.
Good luck!

thankyou @purpleberry but you don't think the fact he is still trying to get me back and invited me over his for diner tonight while going on tinder is wrong?

@lexiepuppy yes I keep looking on Instagram at quotes etc and they all relate so it helps.

im so tempted this morning to unblock him and have another go at him.....why cant I just leave it

You aren't together. You don't get to have an opinion on his attempt to seek a date.

You don't want to be together - but what, don't want him to be with anyone else? You know that's not right. If he meets someone else you might get a break from his pestering you.

If you were together, finding him on tinder is reason to split up. But as you are split up, even if he used trying to get back with you, it isn't wrong for him to look elsewhere, as you aren't actually together, let alone exclusively dating.

Do not have a go at him about being on tinder, unless you actually want him back. But you don't. He's a horrible narcissist, of course his dating actions reflect this.

I have been in the same place as you. It’s extremely hard and so hurtful. How can someone profess to love you and then be on Tinder? It is because they have no moral compass, no feelings, no empathy and don’t care for anyone but themselves. They are weak, they are leeches, they don’t see partners as people with feelings they just see us as a source that they can extort from.
My ex has been back giving me the loving lines, and he is in a relationship now! So he’s now lying to the new girl just like he lied to me. THEY NEVER, EVER CHANGE.

He cannot be without supply, so he is desperately in search of replacing you.
They do not see you as a lover , they see you as an energy battery. They hook in and drain you down.
I had 18 years of abuse. He was with another woman throughout our marriage.
He is with her now, 4 years later. He regularly messages me, as he is bored of her. But he was bored of me in the marriage. They are never happy and are always on the lookout for something better.

They are never happy. I don't respond to him. Once the Court stuff is done , he will be deleted out of my life. If he wants to contact our children; he can. But not me.

Stay strong, don't let him worm is way back in. They are just energy vampires and they do not know how to Love someone in a real way. It is all conditional love.

thankyou for your replies guys.

I guess deep down I know all this. but doesn't stop it hurting.

what can I do to stop wanting him to contact me? why do I want him to contact me? I just want him to hurt like I am but I guess he wont and I need to get over it.

just don't know how

I really feel for you as I am currently going threw the same!

I wish I never met him and never knew what a narcissist was like a couple of years ago

I think eventually it does sink in that they aren't worth your time. It just takes time and distance and education as to what they really are.

Totally agree with pp that said - they are never happy. My first ever relationship he used to make me feel that if I just was better somehow, he wouldn't bang on about his ex or the new woman on the scene. Eventually I walked away because although I didn't know what a narc was at the time, I knew neither of us could make the other happy. Bumped into him years later n he had achieved his dream of moving to america, married a woman there. Yet here he was back in the UK because 'Florida was boring. Tells me he has semi split from the wife ('all up in the air ATM') and then he started to talk about how his wife and ex (the girl who he had started to see whilst still seeing me though at the time he gave me the 'she is just a friend' tosh) - were 'such good friends'. And I realised he was basically saying 'you were wrong to have a problem with her' (I actually didn't, he just expected me to because he kept trying to play me off against her). And had a lightning bolt moment - that he was a narcissist. I should have seen it all along after i discovered what narcs were really, but guess you never like to think that way about people you care about. That they only care about themselves. But looking back, all his behaviour supported that. And he still want happy with a wife, living in fkn Florida where he had always wanted to live. I declined his invite for a drink n walked away. He looked surprised xD

Sorry no paragraphs.
*still wasn't happy

god I cant wait for that to sink in!

as all I can think about is him with another girl and its killing me!

If you believe he is a narcissist then that explains his behaviour. He won't ever change and he'll never love you or treat you like you want him to.

You have no choice but to block him, grey rock is mainly for people who have no choice but to have contact with the person like if they have a child together. Tell him you do not want any further contact and any further contact will be seen as harrassment and reported to the police.

If you don't block then you're going to go through this cycle so many more times!!!

They don’t love you, the love the love you give them.

^ This in a nutshell.