In love with awful ex

[TrueWish]

Ex DP cheated repeatedly, was crap with my DC and is the worlds most annoying drunk. Been split for over a year and yet I can’t get over him.

Blocked him out my life, done everything possible but still feel like calling him every day. It’s like I have rose tinted glasses over my feelings.

I don’t want to get back together, it wouldn’t ever work as he hurt me too much and doesn’t seem to have changed.

I’ve started hobbies, socialised, tried moving on. I’ve a few ex’s and never experienced this before (not for this long anyway), what do I do?

Realise that you aren’t in love with the real him.

You know, the him that treated you appallingly, the him that is the drunk and the him that cheated on you.

You don’t love ‘him’

You love this idea of him. The one you hope/wish/know he could be. If only he wasn’t someone else.

Keep trying to move on. Soon you will be sick of all the emotions and energy you are pouring into him. And realise you don’t want to waste so much energy on him anymore.

You sound like you might be trauma bonded to him.
That is a much more difficult bond to break with someone.
Another reason could be the pattern of intermittant reinforcement which is when they are nice, nice, nice to you then horrible, then horrible,horrible, nice , then they mix it up until you dont know when the next nice hit is going to come along and then you are hooked in, the chemicals react in the brain like a drug addicted person.
This is why it is more difficult to let go of someone of it has been a rollercoaster of a relationship.

If you can't relate to that, your ex may remind you of someone , a parent or sibling and even though the relationship was toxic, it was familiar in some way, so you feel like you cannot let him go.

It is a life lesson learnt. Don't go back.

"In love" isn't some magical heavenly power that you are helpless in the face of. You probably need some counselling to uncover why you are still fascinated by an absolute arsehole.

It will do you good. Seriously.

I found it helpful to just reinforce to myself daily that there are some people its better to love from a distance.