Scared to find out the truth

[Mimimouse4]

This is a bit more of a WWYD.

I’m scared of actually knowing the truth! DH last weekend went to a sporting event and said he was going with friend X who he does usually go with. I didn’t think anything of it.

He did keep talking about friend X going then when he came home said that friend X had said this and that so definitely made out they were together. The other thing now thinking back is that he bought a new t shirt to wear which he wouldn’t usually do!

On Tuesday i WhatsApped a pic from his phone to mine and saw a message to this friend X talking about the game. I looked at the message and it very clearly said that friend X was not there!

I have no idea who else could’ve been there and why he has lied. I’m questioning myself but I’ve seen the message and then bought up friend X again and he was so convincing that he was def there.

So WWYD? I’m just so scared to know the truth and think I would be so so shocked he’s just not the type to cheat but I can’t understand why you would lie it’s so bizarre

It's such a horrible situation to be in. He was clearly up to no good. Do you know the other guy's wife? Could you ask her a few questions?

I don't know his wife well enough to ask.

I just really didn't think he was the type and I can't think who it would be.

I want to know the truth but I'm also terrified

Definitely don’t confront him yet, otherwise he’ll make a good excuse and then hide any other lies in the further. You’ll be no better off.

You need to act innocent, and need to spend more time looking though his phone. Also his wallet/briefcase etc. Don’t confront him unless have proper proof.

The text messages
DH - you always miss a great game
X - I know I always miss team they were playing at home that's why they win.

So he def wasn't there with him. DH told me that X had done something during the game putting him there and then saying how he had to go afterwards. DH was so convincing tho that is why I'm doubting myself

If you already know he will turn it round on you - then you already know what a shit he is. Why does any of the rest even matter if he's obviously a git anyway. A lying git at that.

Relationships shouldn't be like this. People who lie are bad enough, but people who then go on to tell you you are somehow the bad guy in the situation, are utterly horrible manipulative people who only care about themselves.

You may not have thought hr would cheat or lie to you but clearly you already know he isn't a nice guy.

Maybe he was too embarrassed to admit he was going alone to the game as that would make him seem sad? Or is that not likely?

He went to a game a few weeks before on his own and that isn't unusual.

He bought up this person was going as I wouldn't usually ask. If he hadn't said anything I would never have thought anything of this

No-one ever believes their partner will cheat - and the fact he has lied so convincingly actually makes it more likely this is not the first time he has lied, rather than less. But this time you have caught him.

My suspicion is he will deny, deny, deny, so I hope you have screen shots.

I would confront him now if I had the screenshots. Probably even if I didn't. But I can spot duper's delight a mile off - google it, watch videos, and look for it when you confront him. It can be so fleeting if you are dealing with a psychopath - and your surety that he isn't cheating leads me to wonder if you are. You would not be the first person to find, completely out of nowhere, that your husband has a whole other life. I'm definitely not saying that is the case here, but it happens, more than people would think.

Don't let him side-track you with complaints about you looking at his phone. That's like a burglar moaning that he's been followed by the people he's stolen from - use that phrase on him if you need to.

Good luck, OP. I hope it somehow turns out well for you.

The thing that rings alarm bells for me is that he has embellished his lie with more detail involving the friend who wasn't there. Why do that? Having said that, it does sound as if he was at the game according to his text and he would be unlikely to take some conquest to a football match really - unless his name is Dave. I feel for you OP and hope there is a reasonable explanation for his truth-bending

How are you OP - have you confronted him?

I would be so so shocked he’s just not the type to cheat
Yeah yeah we all say that until it happens to us!

Well honestly, if you don't want to know then don't ask.
Just bury your head and hope it doesn't send you insane worrying about it.
Or...... tackle it head on.
'I know X wasn't at the game with you. Someone saw you there with a woman. So who is she and why are you lying to me over and over?'
Bluff it.
Or.... Don't say anything for now and play detective. I know that's the option I took with ExH and ExP. I NEEDED to know. I snooped. I learned how to check on things. And I found them out to be cheats.

Signs at first are more possessive over phone. Not leaving it lying around. Taking it to the bathroom.
New clothes.
New aftershave.
More into looks and fitness.
More extravagant stories going out without me.
Got angry more quickly.
Was less tolerant towards our DD.
Clearing browsing history.

Other signs are.....
Change is sex life. Sometimes it increases others it decreases. Trying new things you haven't done before
New hobby or looking for new hobbies
More picky towards you. Your looks, what you say, how you dress, etc....
Lack of interest in the house or doing things together.

Any of those ring any bells?

I think your DPs friend is having an affair and asked your DP to cover for him. Your DP would otherwise have said he was on his own (even if he were misbehaving...simpler to claim he went alone!!) I think it is the OTHER HUSBAND up to no good.

Fizzysours Now that could be a good call!
But the new t-shirt rings alarm bells for me!

Didn't the friend post about not being there on husbands fb or something though? But public...

And husband has taken 'cover for me' way too far by embellishing the lie with is own wife.

Doesn't quite ring true for me tbh. Think it's husbands secret. But it's stunningly poor moral fibre either way.

Could it be X is the one cheating and your dh is being roped in for an alibi!
If x keeps missing home games, then he’s obviously somewhere else!
Your dh has just got used to being his alibi and hence the game updates.

He did keep talking about friend X going then when he came home said that friend X had said this and that so definitely made out they were together.
Red flag. Overegging the pudding.
The other thing now thinking back is that he bought a new t shirt to wear which he wouldn’t usually do!
Red flag.
On Tuesday i WhatsApped a pic from his phone to mine and saw a message to this friend X talking about the game. I looked at the message and it very clearly said that friend X was not there!
Red flag