Am I letting football ruin my relationship?

[dogloverforever]

Been with DP for just under two years; very long distance (different countries UK/US), so we rely a lot on communication etc. Due to see him again in a few weeks but wondering whether I should go or if I should cancel. Until a few months ago, all was fine.

American Football season started a few months ago. All he wants to talk about is football. If I try and talk about something else he shows no interest. If I don't engage with football talk he gets grumpy. It constantly feels like all he wants to talk about is football. I'm glad he has a passion and a hobby; but I feel like I'm second best. He keeps saying he can't wait to watch football with me...not 'I can't wait to see you' etc. Even though games are only Friday/Saturday he spends all week talking about it. Whenever he says 'we don't have to talk about football' I end up feeling awful and like i'm stopping him from talking about something he loves.

He constantly interrupts me and when I say I find it rude (I was bought up with an understanding you never interrupt someone when they're talking) he says that's just how he grew up. If I call him on a Friday or Saturday all I can hear is the TV in the background and if I ask him to turn it down he does...but it's very clear he's not focussing on what I am saying.

He's gone whole days without asking me how my day is (I work a stressful city job with 11hr+ days normal, so it's not unusual for me to be out from 05:30 - 20:00). Usually wouldn't bother me but on top of being talked at about football it's starting to get me down. Keep trying to raise the issue and i'm not getting anywhere.

He's not a horrible person, he treats me like a princess...but it's starting to feel like I'm second best. I don't want to be second best to a game.

Sounds tedious. It's long distance and he isn't interested in your life at all and only talks AT you about football. He's selfish and showing you who he is.

he treats me like a princess

What sort of princess? The type that’s pretty, largely silent and there waiting for him to stop what he’s doing until he can be bothered to communicate with you?

he treats me like a princess

Which one, Sleeping Beauty?

Has he any good points?

He lives in the USA and is an arsehole - I'm just not seeing it.

Drop him like a hot rock

When do you actually physically see him and spend time together?

This isn’t a relationship really is it? What are future plans? It’s a friendship and a distraction. To be honest I’d call it a day, stay friends and text him post football season and find someone in the UK!

If you’ve tried to raise the issue and nothing’s changed; and if he sometimes says “we don’t have to talk about football” then he knows full well that it dominates your conversations and he just doesn’t actually care enough about you and your interests to rein it in and pay attention to you. Honestly, I’d just stop phoning or answering is calls. When he realises (if he even would) he hasn’t heard from you in a while and asks why, tell him straight that you don’t want to be talked at about football and aren’t going to bother having such one-sided conversations. Or, just tell him that this isn’t working for you anymore and end the relationship - it doesn’t sound like you see each other much or have many commonalities anyway.

He’s treating you like an accessory to himself. NT, functioning adults know that it isn’t polite or acceptable to drink monologues at people or centre everything around their favourite topic. I really like weights and fitness (though am not obsessed) but am emotionally literate and socially aware enough to know that most of my friends really couldn’t care less beyond me excitedly spending a minute or so telling them about a PB or something. I mean, even my personal trainer who’s a national champion weightlifter, doesn’t actually want to talk about weightlifting all the time, we mostly tell jokes and talk about music, our weekend exploits or plans and good restaurants.