How do you divide housework?

[Iggly]

This has been bugging me but only recently have I realised why, and thought I’d check if I’m being unreasonable.

Dh has recently been doing more housework (makes a nice change from the previous 15 years) because he’s between jobs. Great.

However I’ve noticed he leaves the more undesirable jobs to me - cleaning the bathroom, mopping the floors, vacuuming the stairs/hallway. I’ve not said anything yet but he’s always been fine to keep the kitchen tidy, do the clothes washing but anything he doesn’t “like” doing, he’ll just leave it. Whereas I will do it because it needs doing.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to do more? I only have about half a day at home (he’s got all week while the kids are at work) so it’s a squeeze to get it done. When I was off work - I did pretty much everything because I had so much time (dcs at school) so it was no bother really.

I think YANBU. While you ought to contribute, if he’s actually not working atm his job surely is to run the house including housework?

Sit down and have a discussion around the housework and who is responsible for what, make a weekly rota, decide what you will do as well as what he will do but have it laid out in black and white, it should be very obvious that as you’re out of the house many more hours than him he has more time to pick up the bulk of the housework. Stuff like bathrooms and mopping/hoovering are pretty big jobs in housework terms, take more effort than the kinda day to day wiping the counter tops or emptying the dishwasher tasks.

Be careful you don’t fall into the trap of being effusively grateful for how much he ‘helps’: you’re both equal adults sharing the house, he’s not helping he’s contributing as he is expected to.

He should do the majority since he is at home and perhaps a list or rota is a good idea as men conveniently dont see what needs to be done

Yes i agree he is not ‘helping you’ Sometimes my DP has said he’s unloading dishwasher to help me which makes me really mad!

Should be turn about!!

Have you asked him to do more about the house as in will you mop floors etc?

Lozzerbmc

I absolutely hate the way DH ‘doesn’t see’ stuff, like I don’t think he would ever autonomously change bedding. Ever. Or think to wipe down a windowsill. It drives me insane. We made a rota in the end. He does his fair share but it winds me up how there are specific jobs he just won’t ever do without prompting.

I challenged him last night when he said he’d done loads of tasks ‘for me’ lately, by which he meant housework, as soon as I repeated what he’d said and asked what that meant to be fair he realised he was being ridiculous and took it back. But it’s a real issue and a systemic cultural one, there are men who are 100% on it and women who are slobs but on the whole I do find amongst my social circle 80% of the time it’s the woman carrying the practical and mental load of housework while men get credit for ‘helping’.

50 50 split here but if we see something that needs doing, we just do it. Both of us are obsessed with being clean and tidy though.

Have you asked him to do more about the house as in will you mop floors etc?

No because I worry that maybe I’m being a bit of a knob and ungrateful.

But we have list of all the jobs that need doing; and my issue is why do I need to point these out?

We’ve just had a big argument because he wasn’t doing enough for the dcs when it came to school stuff so I’ve got to gear up for another discussion about the housework. I find it draining tbh.

I find men hardly ever leap off the sofa and say just going to clean the loo/wipe skirting/clean bath/clean oven.

I’m sure the split for loo cleaning is unequal in most households!

I find men hardly ever leap off the sofa and say just going to clean the loo/wipe skirting/clean bath/clean oven

Neither do many women, they do it or get a cleaner. Or it goes to skank.