Recovering from co dependency

[DustMyselfOff]

How? Am now single after 15 years but concerned that future relationships might see me falling back into (bad) old habits. Any tips on how to avoid this? Now is a learning period for me and i want to make it useful so when I'm ready to date i don't end up bowing to every whim of another narc twat.

Book recommendations, podcasts and youtube videos all welcome...

Had some counselling but due to incipient FT work will not be able to pursue that any more

Hi OP - there’s a book called Co-dependent No More.
There is a website called CODA - they have meetings depending where you live and there are resources their too.
There’s a utube woman too who is good. Lisa a romano.
I’m sure others will be along too provide more info.
Good luck on your journey.

I ended up codependent in an 18 year marriage to an abusive narcissistic man.
I recommend on Youtube Dr Ramani Durvasula, Inner integration, Sarah Speaks, Richard Grannon, Shahida Arabi, Narc Survivor.. Tonia Evans.
Lundy Bancroft- Why does he do that?
Is a good book about abuse.
Pinterest is good for Codependency.

Look into patterns of behaviour from your childhood. We're your parents codependent?
Did your parents enmesh you and make you codependent.
We usually follow what is familiar to us, even though it is toxic for us.

Think about boundaries. Did you have any?

If people are toxic to you, You may have to think about going NC or LC with them, so you can heal yourself and not repeat the cycle.
Good luck.

I found "Co-dependency for dummies" a better read than the Melody Beattie books (hers are very much geared to partners of alcoholics).

I think it will take a while to get your confidence back, but self-awareness of your co-dependent traits & maintaining boundaries will help.

My mum had a rotten childhood and learned co dependency from thaty. I think i mimicked it from her as my childhood was pretty much idyllic. What's enmeshing?

Stbx wasn't abusive. Mentally ill. Selfish. Probably covert narcissist. I just gave and gave and gave even when i didn't want to any more. Even when i had nothing left to give. I don't want to do that again. I don't want that false intimacy and to be bled dry.

I had an idyllic childhood too, but my mum is clearly co-dependent & I'm guessing her mum & sister we're too, from what I've heard of them (both RIP).

I think my parents were a bit emotionally dependent on us children to fill their needs, as their relationships with their siblings were not close/happy.

It's been a horrible realisation for me (in my mid-40's after 2 failed marriages). I've been mostly unhappy in relationships as an adult, and that's very sad.