Anyone have a crush while married?

[StarlightIntheNight]

I have been with my dh for 10 years. Never had interested or been tempted by anyone else. I can recognise if a guy is good looking, but never any attraction or interest in them....until recently. Out of no where, suddenly have a crush. Obviously, wouldn't act on it. But curious how many others have had a crush while married? And why the heck does it suddenly happen? I have talked to the person before and nothing, then randomly saw them again and it was like a switch turned on and I feel an attraction to the person.

Oh yes. The clinical psychoogist that diagnosed ds with asd is HOT AS and I couldnt stop thinking about him for months. No idea why.

redexpat how did you forget about him? Thing is, objectively, I can see other men that are more good looking etc...so not sure why suddenly I have a crush on this one. Its frustrating to think about him in this way. I also feel awkward like somehow he might be able to tell lol....doubtful though! But I feel like if I look him in the eye too long he will notice. No avoiding him completely as our dc are good friends.

Oh thats tricky. Mine just faded over time. I still indulge occasionally. Are you a good actress - can you hide it?

I have had 4 crushes in over 13 years together. 1st was on my spine surgeon and now I look back and see it came from sheer gratitude that he repaired me. 2nd was on my female gyn who I saw after my missed miscarriage. Again it came from admiration and gratitude that she helped me through such a difficult time. She was amazing. I'm heterosexual but I really had a crush on this woman because she was remarkable. 3rd was a colleague who was just really hot! We had chemistry but I knew it was never going anywhere so enjoyed a harmless mutual flirt when I saw him.

These 3 just gradually faded completely, they were moments in time and were never a threat to my marriage.

The 4th was my first love, my childhood sweetheart who I am in contact with on social media and through family so we know what the other is up to. We will always feel the same way about each other but I have come to the realisation that while he will always be my boy he will never be my man. In that we are adults now with partners and children and lives.

I never thought I'd ever have a crush on anyone ever again when I met my husband but being married doesn't stop you being human, you have to get the crushes into perspective.

@EmberElftree

I've also been with my husband for about 13 years. If he'd had four crushes in that time, including his childhood sweetheart that he would 'always feel the same way about', I'd be absolutely gutted.

Calling them 'crushes' doesn't make it cute or OK.

Do you still see the person on occasion? I don't think he could tell. But my way of trying to hide it, would to be avoid eye contact. I find myself wanting to talk to him, I used to when I wasn't interested, but now that I have a crush, I don't.

EmberElftree I felt the same when, that I would never have a crush again. I thought I was over this kind of thing. I would see a guy and objectively know he is good looking, but not an ounce of interest. Now suddenly I have a crush on this guy and it came from no where. But I guess I am only human and it seems these things happen. Hopefully it will just fade soon.

AlkaSeltz of course no one would ever want to find out their partners have crushes on someone or is attracted to someone else....but these things happen. We are human.

I assume my dh has seen other women as attractive. Who knows if he has ever had a crush on someone else. I see it as a crush is just a chemical reaction in your brain...but what baffles me, is why someone can give you a reaction...like why that person!

Yes. I’ve had a crush on a few people. One is similar to a poster above as it’s an old flame. One is currently a colleague of sorts and I’ve fancied him for quite a while. I’m just annoying myself now as I can’t get over it 🤦🏻‍♀️
Obviously I ignore it as much as poss while around the person but it’s hard. Especially as I’m not as happy as I once was in my marriage. Just one of those things though. Hoping I’ll get over it and marriage will sort itself out.

My husband knows about these crushes and he laughs about my "silver fox surgeon" and the colleague we worked with. He empathises about my female doctor because she helped us through the worst time, losing our first baby. My husband has met my childhood sweetheart and understands that we had a long history through our teens and early twenties and that we are connected still through family but he also understands that was a different time in my life before I met him. A crush is a completely different feeling to actually being in love with a person which is what I meant by getting a crush into perspective.

Probably ovulating!

I think it’s normal and part of a healthy relationship that from time to time you are attracted to other people but that you still go home to your spouse.

I have eyes and see other people but I’m with my husband for many reasons, including but not limited to my physical attraction to him

it is just your hormones talking, don’t let them talk you into the idea that you have a magical connection and are destined to be together.

Keep objective and real.

Of course, doesn’t everyone? Sometimes the mutual attraction is just there with work colleagues. You can humorously acknowledge it but never act on it, you know! So no need to worry about it.

I'm married (10 years) with one dc.

DS goes to judo once a week and has done for about 2 years. I always have a chat with the sensei as I'm often early as take DS straight from after school club and other parents haven't arrived. All fine. Nice bloke, no crush.

Had a dream about him the other night, nothing kinky but ever since then I really fancy him. So odd. I get butterflies and all!

I'd never do anything and I hope it goes away

@drankthekoolaid I had a dream once when I was pregnant which was kinky about Gordon Ramsey my husband also laughs about that! Not a crush but I still feel weird if I see him on TV and I've never met the guy nor fancy him in the slightest. My mum is completely horrified!

IdiotInDisguise I know its just the hormones and nothing special of course!

I just hope it goes away soon, as I feel silly when speaking to him or even when just making eye contact...like he somehow might be able to tell if he looks into my eyes lol.

Yes it’s happened to me twice and both times landed me in hot water. So be careful.

Haven’t very often had proper crushes but when I do I’m terrible for playing out fantasies in my head and ‘what ifs’.

When you start becoming obsessive like that you start wondering if they like you too and in my case they did. That situation, if nurtured, can very easily lead into an emotional or full on affair as it’s very difficult to stop those emotional highs.

Be careful,

Yes, a couple, many years ago. They didn't know though and neither lasted that long, nice while they did but they weren't realistic.

@welshsoph

It’s true. The moment you realise your crush likes you back, it multiplies the feeling by an order of magnitude.

Next time he comes, you will have full make up on. The time after that, you’ll be banging in the kitchen.

I think its normal to have a crush now and again.
I have one on my sons piano teacher who is such a lovely man, my age and we have things in common. One day we were talking about something and he said you’ll have to come round for coffee. Luckily he is gay which is just as well.

Lozzerbmc lol. That makes it a lot easier (I think), so at least you won't be tempted (or he) to cross the line! :)

Of course! I'm human and a harmless crush doesn't hurt anyone. I have zero interest in pursuing anyone other than my husband and we've had this discussion before as he feels the same way. You know where the line is, stop before that.