I'm 22 and living at home. My whole childhood my parents have argued in front of me and I have been brought into arguments all the time by my Dad e.g. asked to decide who is in the wrong between them, asked about details of the arguments, etc. I am the oldest with a younger sister (21) and a young brother (19), who also live at home and they are never brought into the arguments.
Yesterday evening when I got home from work my parents were arguing again. My Dad starts arguments over the stupidest things, this time it was because my Mum had not heard him call out to her, so he said she was deliberately ignoring her. I was in the room with my Mum and said to my Dad "I could not hear you either, she was not ignoring you". He then replied telling me to mind my own business. At this point I was so frustrated as my whole life he has deliberately brought me into "their business". This whole week I have been stressed out and ruminating over some potential future money issues in our family that my Dad has been burying his head in the sand about. Money issues that my siblings are oblivious to but I have been told about. I said I was defending my Mum and he told me again to mind my own business. At this point I swore at him which I never do, he then swore back to me. I know I was wrong to swear but I was just so frustrated with the situation and it has brought back so many horrific memories of my childhood.
Later that evening he told me to never swear at him ever. I said "well don't swear at me then". He told me to mind my own business. There is a horrible atmosphere in the house and I just cannot bring myself to apologise yet. I do regret swearing but I don't regret getting frustrated over this whole situation. I went to work this morning but now I am home I just feel so teary as I hate confrontation and I only step in because it is so ingrained in our family dynamic that I am brought into every argument my parents have. Ever since I was young I have been burdened with all of their problems. I admit when I spoke up yesterday saying I could not hear my Dad calling to my Mum I was involving myself in a conversation that as I was not involved in the conversation, but as a bystander I just had to defend my Mum against my Dad as he loves to put on this helpless act and in this case it was that my "cruel Mum" is deliberately ignoring him. He loves to act helpless. If my Mum goes out with friends, once in a blue moon, he acts like she is being cruel by leaving him at home and he won't cook for himself so he can play the poor hungry husband who is neglected act to my Mum and make her feel bad for going out.
When I was a young teenager, maybe 12 or 13, I was home alone with my Dad and my Mum phones me to say my Dad, who has depression, is upset and can I go and see him. I go in there and he is crying and telling me how he is suicidal. At that young age I have to try, on my own, to plead with him to not leave. Throughout my childhood he always threatened to leave us. Several times we were in the car and there would be an argument and he would pull over the side of the road and get out and walk away and my Mum would have to quickly jump in the driver's seat and drive to find him. He did this once when we were on holiday in an unfamiliar town. Sometimes he would leave our home saying he is never coming back, and being someone who has witnessed his depression I panic that he is going to do something stupid so I worry and worry only for him to come back a few hours later and make whoever set him off to apologise. He did this a few months ago and I stayed up for hours tracking him on Find My iPhone to check his tracker kept moving whilst he was driving as I was so scared he was going to do something stupid. Usually the thing that triggered this was my siblings and I arguing in the back of the car, or saying we were hungry as it was lunch time and we were out, etc.
I know that this whole situation is pathetic and petty. I know I was wrong to swear at him. But I am just so fed up of this. My siblings are not brought into any arguments so they are in complete blissful ignorance of what goes on in our family. I should also add my siblings have sworn at my parents before during arguments but never made to apologise and it is all forgotten about as it is understood it just comes from the heat of the moment. But when the eldest daughter, who is almost the residential psychologist and marriage counsellor, does it everyone is taken aback and I am an awful person. Right now I am the Horrible Evil Daughter who swore at her poor, poor father. That may be true, and I accept that I am in the wrong in this situation as well, but it is the result of frustration that has been building throughout my whole life. I should also add that swearing does not have a lot of weight in our home and I know if my sister had sworn at my Dad it would have been no big deal. Maybe it is because I never swear at my parents that my Dad has reacted like this, or maybe it is because it is me and not my sister.
I know the obvious answer is to move out and I do have plans to move out next year to study for a master's but it is not possible right now. I am overall happy at home and I usually get on well with my parents, it is just this argument which has brought to surface a lot of emotions for me. My parents are happy having me at home as I do help out a lot (my siblings do not help at all).