Do you and your partner ever run out of conversation?

[Wavyheaded]

DP and I have been together for 4 years now and things have started to... go a bit quiet. Is this a bad sign?

We have loads in common and we've always chatted and chatted, online and off. We still tell each other "I love you" but sometimes that's become all we say! Should I be worried, or is this normal? This is the best relationship I've ever been in and this 'vibe' is new to me. Perhaps we know each other too well now, or something?

That should say "lately that's become all we say".

Surely the joy of a good relationship is that you can be quiet in someone's company. We can pass entire evenings with just "Have you got the remote?" Or "Cup of tea?"

Been with my DH for 14 years now and have never had this issue personally. Absolutely, we've had our ups and downs but always have good conversation. Probably helps we both work long hours and shift work so don't actually spend a huge amount of time together. I can imagine if we worked 9 to 5 and had dinner together every night it could get quite monotonous

I like the odd moment of silence...

You know when you see those old couples in the pub, seemingly ignoring each other, and you think to yourself 'Jesus, I hope that doesn't happen to me!'? They aren't ignoring each other. They just don't need to speak. They know each other so well, conversation for conversations sake is unnecessary. It's called being comfortable with each other. If all else is still exciting (the bedroom) then just relax.

We took about anything but sometimes just being quiet in each other's company is nice, just cuddled up on the couch.

My exP and I were like this. To be fair, the conversation was never particularly good, and when it dried up all together I thought to myself, "Can I really bear to live with this man for potentially the next 60 years of my life if we can't have a decent conversation?"
I think that nowadays, with all the texting throughout the day, it's hard to find something to tell your DP about as they probably already know what you got up to etc.
Thank goodness we went our separate ways, because now he is married to someone else and seems really happy.

I think it matters more whether it bothers you or whether you feel comfortable with it than how 'normal' it is really OP. It must be niggling for you to post; personally it would be an issue for me- 4 years is that weird tipping point where the honeymoon period ends and natural conversation should flow IMO, with compatible people. Obviously there isn't a need to chat constantly but if you're trying to chat and getting nothing or feel you have run out of things to say to him but want to chat.

DP and I choose to not spend all our time together but always have things to say/laugh about in passing and could chat naturally for hours if the occasion allowed (long car journey etc). My previous partner i had almost exactly your issue and a feeling deep down that we had little to say but were ignoring the issue. On phone calls it was like we'd both have to think of things to say, especially him, and there'd be gaps of silence. I also think I found him a bit boring when he did talk if I were honest. It didn't bother him apparently but I ended it (though I liked him a lot and really fancied him). It just niggles me thinking 'is this ok for a forever, I'm not sure'

Do you live together?

If you don't feel comfortable with it then it's a problem. But it is very common for couples to be like this and be very happy just being without constant chat. Everyone's different.
If it feels ok it is. If it feels odd to you then it is

I'd say it depends on the mood, on what else is happening and the general tone of your relationship.

If it feels as though there are things being 'unsaid' because they might upset or be too personal, then that's bad. Or if there are things that need talking about, that just aren't being. Otherwise it can be nice to just sit in one another's company watching TV or reading.

I'd say the problem comes when you're in a situation where you maybe think you should be talking - like a meal together where you could talk about the food or chat in an otherwise quiet atmosphere, or when there's an unexpected bill that's arrived. If you aren't even talking then...that's when alarm bells ring.

Just out of a relationship with a man who, when we went for a meal, would eat fast and silently, shovelling food in and making me feel that I needn't even be there...

This is why people get married so they have a wedding to row talk about. Then when they run out of that they move house to have another thing to row talk about. Then they have kids so that....

Not necessarily in that order but you know

Maybe you are just in a quiet period I'd enjoy it!!!

Read the newspaper or watch the news every day and then bring up as a conversation starter something that's big news that day

Sometimes. If I haven't done anything exciting that day I'll sometimes phone him and I'll cut the call short saying I don't have anything interesting to say because nothings happened and I've no gossip. We don't live together but we've been a couple for 5 years so its bound to happen. If we've both had an exciting day or something big happens in the news we'll have a good old natter.

For me there's a huge difference between a comfortable, companionable silence and and awkward silence. If it's just comfortable quiet, I wouldn't worry!

Agreed. Comfortable silence is good. Awkward silence bad.

So funny @ totallyradllama and so true

I think that if you cannot go out for dinner and converse the whole way through, then it's doomed. Sitting watching telly and saying nowt? Reading separate books, or listening to the radio? Desirable and almost obligatory in a long-term relationship.

But if you go out for dinner and have nothing to say to eachother - no, not right.

Even when I ended things with the ex-husband (16 year relationship) and the abusive ex (6ish years), we still always had LOADS to say to eachother on a one-on-one. Yet I vividly remember ending things with another ex after 3 years because we'd just sit in pubs/restaurants and have nothing to say unless others were with us.

By 'converse the whole way through', I;'m also including companionable silence at times

My dh and I sometimes sit in silence, he'll watch tv and I'll read or whatever ..we don't always feel the need to be chatting.
We text occasionally back and forth when we are both at work.
I think it's fairly normal to have periods when you don't have a lot to say or a need to converse but as long as it's comfortable and you're both happy doing your individual quiet thing in each others company. I don't feel as though I've run out of conversation at all, it's nice just being together and we chat when something comes up.
If it's uncomfortable silence and you feel the need to fill the spaces with chat I'd be wondering why! Talk to him about it..maybe he feels the same way or maybe he'll tell you he's very comfortable with it and it will put you at ease.