Terrible anxiety postpartum

[Williams0706]

Hi there

I had my daughter four months ago and have a two year old son. Husband and I will be married a year this month and I'm honestly not sure we'll make it to our first wedding anniversary.

I'm literally taking care of the kids while works (fair enough, I do work but am obviously on maternity leave). But what gets to me is how much time he makes for himself when I literally cannot pee in peace and have to have my daughter in her bouncer in the bathroom to shower. He goes to the gym and social events despite having a baby very recently and I'll be honest I massively resent this as I barely get time to brush my teeth some days!

Now I'm not saying his life needs to stop but I feel unbelievably low and my self esteem is horrendous since my daughter was born and this has lead me to convince myself my husband is cheating! I've no evidence unless you can say gut instinct is evidence 😂

This anxiety is crippling me & ruining my marriage!!

My husbands going to a Halloween party at the end of the month and I've found myself begging him not to go and even booking tickets for another event we can go to in order to stop him going to the Halloween party as I'm terrified he'll hurt me by cheating

What can I do?? Help 😔

Have you told him how you feel Hun x

@kellyw1989 yeah he couldn't care less 😔 says he's going to the party and he doesn't ask for much time to go the gym and it's not his fault I'm breastfeeding and our daughter won't go to anyone else to free me up etc

He actually said that about you breastfeeding @Williams0706

@kellyw1989 yep he's the most self absorbed person I know... it's not his fault I chose to breastfeed etc should have formula fed if I was gonna be like this

Hi OP, are you taking any supplements or vitamins?

Pregnancy and breast feeding can deplete you of a lot of important vitamins and minerals. Some vitamin deficiencies can lead to anxiety feelings etc (B vitamins in particular and Vit D ). Are you eating well? Also your hormones are running ragged at the moment. Shifts in progesterone and oestrogen dominance can cause issues with anxiety feelings etc. Were you like this pre baby?

I am saying this because I get big shifts in my hormones mid cycle and towards the end and I turn into an irrational being. I also was quite deficient in B vitamins and since supplementing well I feel better. www.amymyersmd.com/2018/08/nutrient-deficiencies-linked-to-mood/

If you want me to link a good vitamin (with bioavailable forms in good doses), let me know.

Oh and your DP doesnt sound very supportive, is all the baby care left to you?

@pudding21 I've only ever been anxious since I've been with him (4 years). Not sure why to be honest!

I don't eat much I don't get time at all I am doing all the baby care on my own, he hasn't bathed her - she's four months old! Can't remember when he last changed her nappy and if I ask him to appease her while I do something and she's getting upset he gets really frustrated and I don't feel I can leave her with him! On the rare occasions he's home and I can shower in peace or do something upstairs like putting the washing away or packing my sons nursery bag he stands in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs so I can hear she's crying so I come and sort her out 😖 he's useless with her! He's better with our son but I'm still left to do the majority of his childcare on my own too and he things he's a god send because he gets up and helps me before his night shift when he's actually getting up to go to the gym!! He thinks im stupid

@pudding21 sorry no I don't take multivitamins but that's an excellent idea thank you xx

make sure if you do get a mutlvitamin its something like this which has bioavailable forms of B vitamins (not folic acid as its synthetic, but methy folate). www.amazon.co.uk/Postnatal-Vitamins-Post-Natal-Breastfeeding-MethylFolate/dp/B012U1G2N0/ref=sr_1_6?s=drugstore&keywords=post+natal+vitamins&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1570785031&sr=1-6

And it sounds like you need a good chat with DP about division of labour! He should also help make sure you eat as its so important whilst breastfeeding. He sounds like a bit of an arse!

My ex was like that, didnt help if he could help it. One of the reasons he is an ex. I wish men would realise that women, particularly post partum need to be helped in more ways than one. You are feeding a whole new human! And you have another child. Its ignorance of the highest order. I would send him this: www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

@Williams0706 .

I think advice about vitamins and eating correctly is really important and may help you get your strength.

In relation to your husband. His behaviour is frankly appalling. When I had each of our babies, my husband, despite having a high level demanding job cut his hours temporarily to a normal 8 per day although sometimes he worked late evening. When he walked through the door he took over with the baby and as well looked after our other one. He would do bathing of both and on occasions also sorted out the evening meal. The break that gave me was just so welcome and helped me manage

Weekends he would get up and do the feed when breastfeeding had stopped and also would take them out whilst I had a lay in on occasions. I won't go on but your husband should be doing at least some of those things and not pissing off to do his own thing and leaving you to get to breaking point such that it sounds you are.

Can you get to sit down with him for an hour and just be really frank. If this is how the next 15 years are going to be then you need to j understand that and make some choices now, and him understanding this isn't going on

Good luck.. I know my husband sounds a one off. He isn't. Many DH are like that, we just don't hear about them on MN

@pudding21 @MarieG10 @kellyw1989 thanks so much for all your replies!! I'm massively grateful to you all for reading and helping, it's nice to be told I'm not the unreasonable one as quite often he tells me I am 😂 like I'm expecting too much! We've had frank discussions - he changes for a day or two then back to being his usual self. This Halloween party may tip me over the edge if he goes as silly as it sounds it's a bit of a test. I can't do the next 15 years like this no, I'm the only one sacrificing anything for the family we've both made and mostly my own sanity!!! He's told me I need medication too for my anxiety and trust issues 😂👌🏻

Do not marry this man, he's a dick.

Apologies clearly didn't read that properly!
He's still a dick though