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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don’t know what I’m doing

8 replies

Notimefor · 10/10/2019 20:34

Hi - so I have been single for over a year. I come out of an abusive relationship that really messed up my life in many different ways, now starting to repair things and have started to feel so much better, not amazing but ok. I have quite met someone on a night out at the beginning of summer. I wasn’t really engaging much over that time. but this guy has text me almost everyday, which is nice. I finally met up with him again, and it was a nice evening. He wanted to see me the next weekend and the one after that, but I couldn’t make it.

I put him off quite a few times as I have a 14 year old and she is always home. So I now I have met him again and I actually really like him. I have had to turn him down on quite a few occasions, because I have no one to stay at home with my daughter, and so things have been moving very very slow. I am aware I have my guard up. I think he must think I’m not interested even though I am, I just have no idea how to move it forward. I really really don’t want to get hurt again, but am also aware I might be pushing him away. As soon as I felt a little spark my head went into overdrive and I just feel very annoyed at myself. He made a loose plan with me last weekend and then didn’t follow through and I felt so horrible about it. I don’t think my feelings are even justified as I let him down on a few occasions. He’s still texting but no longer asking me out. Have I blown it - any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
Glitterb · 10/10/2019 20:37

There is nothing wrong with being guarded at the start of a relationship

Do you want to see him again? You sound disappointed he has stopped asking! Why not ask him out for a coffee? It’s less pressure and a nice chance to have a chat

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 10/10/2019 20:40

Can’t you ask him out when you have someone around for your daughter?
And tell him you like him, but you need to make sure she’s taken care of, so he understands why you’re changing plans or holding off from seeing him.

Notimefor · 10/10/2019 20:43

Yes - I really do. But before the controlling ex , I dealt with so many crap men, disappearing being generally crap it has made me wonder if the problem lies with me. That’s why I have been guarded- just trying to get a measure of him really, and recognising that I have to be careful this time round.

OP posts:
Notimefor · 10/10/2019 20:46

Yes I could ask him out couldn’t I. He was really keen after our first date- but I fear he is running out of steam.

OP posts:
Notimefor · 10/10/2019 20:48

I have a real problem with asking men out - as every time I have done it in the past, men head for the door.

OP posts:
Glitterb · 10/10/2019 20:52

I would just ask him for coffee, theres no pressure on either of you and it will help you get an idea if you see it going anywhere.

You deserve to be happy!

Notimefor · 10/10/2019 21:10

Thanks for your replies. - I asked him out and he said he would love too.

OP posts:
Glitterb · 10/10/2019 21:20

So happy for you! Please keep us updated!

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