So I'm not really sure what to do. I am a single mum to a 10 month old baby. I have been suffering with PTSD, OCD and post natal anxiety following a trauma in my pregnancy. I am so upset this has happened. I always longed to have children and a family and feel like such a failure. My anxieties stem around my child's health due to health complications and a 10 day admission to ICU in pregnancy.
Anyway, my child's father left me when I was 22 weeks pregnant. He never came to a scan (except the private gender one he booked) and blamed the fact he had to work as to his absence. He is self employed and in my opinion could easily have come to a scan. He lives 2 hours away but still, I was travelling there all the time with no effort in return. He wasn't keen to have the child after losing custody of his other children. This all started when we first started dating. Although, I wasn't aware of the truth to the matter when I met him. So I was there for him. I got pregnant 6 months later and he was angry about it.
When he left me, a friend of mine agreed to 'wait' for me until I had the baby. He said he'd take on my child as his own etc. He has custody of his child and we were both there for each other and I felt so happy he was understanding. I felt like I finally had the family I'd always wanted. Anyway I got severely ill during pregnancy (he was there for me) but as soon as I had the baby he turned. Long story short the relationship turned physically and mentally abusive, so I left him.
My child's father had tried to contact me around the time of the birth but I completely ignored him. One because I was happy in my new relationship and my partner was adamant I do not contact him back and two because he wasn't fit to be a father. I'd made contact with his exes when he left me and they told me he was physically violent and not fit to be a father, hence why he doesn't see his kids. So as harsh as it sounds, I ignored his contact. I felt if he cared enough about his child he'd have done anything while I was pregnant, like be present at scans, or come to the hospital when I was dying while carrying his child. I wasn't bothered about being together but he had no care for his child. To me, it was just a half arsed attempt so he could say to his friends down his local pub 'yeah I've made contact bury she's not replied. I try with my kids' when he doesn't because gambling and alcohol have always come first.
Anyway, I started to wonder what he had to say. And I knew my child would always wonder why I never got back to his dad. So I contacted him to let him have his say. He apologised, said it was his fault. Said he didn't want that life anymore. He knows what he has lost. He's dated people since and not felt the same. He will move to my city. He will get a new job. He will protect us. He wants to be a family. The magic words there FAMILY. That's all I want. To be a family. I know I will never let anyone in now. I won't trust anyone with my child. Not only that, I have no family support either so I'll never even get the time to date. I never had a dad and I want my child to have a dad. He will have a large family, cousins etc. I never had any of that. I'm petrified of him growing up feeling the way I did. I know for me it's either TRY and give his dad a chance or remain a single mum forever. My exes family want to meet him. He has made promises to me. But took the huff when I wouldn't give him an answer pretty much straight away. I said this is a lot to absorb. He's pretty much said he's happy not to see his child if that's what I decide too. I sent him some photos. He disrespectfully put them all over social media. I was annoyed considering he's never met his child and I don't post my child on social media.
Anyway, I just don't know what to do. I feel so lonely. I do my best. In all honesty I don't need his help at all. I take my child to multiple classes and lovely days out and is clean, fed and happy. Most of my friends say that I am an amazing mum and they admire me considering my circumstances. I love being a mum. I'm excited for the future but I'm also down about it too. I'm worried about going back to work. I won't have any family help and don't think I'll be able to afford nursery. I'm scared I will end up on benefits and that's not who i am. I never would have imagined this path for me or any child of mine.
What should I do? Should I just give it a go and see if he lives up to his promises? But at the same time I don't really like him as a person. He's a narcissist and in love with himself. But I don't know if I'll feel different if I see him as a dad. I'm still attracted to him in some ways but then I think well he doesn't see his other kids and my priority is my child. However his ex, who claimed he was absuive, has no evidence of the abuse and is a criminal who cons people out of money and is manipulative herself. So maybe there isn't truth in what she is saying? She's all over social media saying how she was in an absuive relationship but let me tell you, my ex partner (the one who claimed to be my saviour and understand) who just picked me up at a vulnerable time and did attack me, is enough for me to know that you do have evidence when they attack and I'd be far too scared to take to social media about the abuse. Everyone's different I guess.
I don't know. I just want what's best for my child. My child's father didn't do anything whilst I was with him for me to think he is a danger to a child. More just a case of behaves like a child himself. But maybe now he's seen the error of his ways? It's so complicated isn't it. I'm sorry, I just really want a lovely family set up for my child. I really don't want him to grow up the same way I did ☹️