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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He will not admit he has had an affair

13 replies

Gulable · 10/10/2019 18:19

I am 99% certain my partner had an affair 3 years ago, I think with a girl he worked with as I overheard some conversations and flirting and also witnessed them cosying up to each other.. Both denied it. She left the job but I think they remained in contact.
I was very upset and in total denial that he could of said the things I overheard, stupidly I never thought he would do that.

A year or so later I thought he was up to something as his, so I went away for 2 weeks. On my return the house had been cleaned and the dishwasher was full of China we don’t use. The cushions on Our settee in the front room (which again we don’t use)had been squashed and rearranged, I found these things out over several days..
He and the other woman had regularly been on watsapp at the same time while I was away and when I was at the airport on my return.
He said no one had been there when I asked about if he had visitors.
A week or so later I overheard another woman leave a msg on his phone but he deleted it after she said his name.
I am trying to move on but this still haunts me.

OP posts:
confusedmaybe · 10/10/2019 18:28

If you know he has cheated, then he has cheated. You don't need for him to admit it to you.

Windmillwhirl · 10/10/2019 18:31

He's not going to admit it. Stop putting your life on hold waiting. If you know he cheated, leave. You know you can't trust him, that's no way to live

category12 · 10/10/2019 19:13

What outcome do you want?

He's not going to admit it. But you know he had her living in your house while you were away, deep down, don't you?

I'm not sure how you can move on? I mean, you can't trust him and he's likely to do it again.

Gulable · 10/10/2019 19:29

I know your all right, I was so upset and in denial. I don’t trust him anymore, and I’m now so angry with myself for being weak.
I feel I just want that final push either to catch him out or for him to admit it.

OP posts:
BuildBuildings · 10/10/2019 19:35

Do you feel you need him to admit it or catch him to be able to leave him?

TheQueef · 10/10/2019 19:36

You can waste a lifetime waiting for proof.

Drabarni · 10/10/2019 19:38

He isn't going to admit it and you are going to be here in another 3 years unless you do something.
Ducks in a row and throw his sorry ass out.
Has he explained the crockery and the cleaned house.

Gulable · 10/10/2019 19:54

This is very true, I hadn’t thought of that.

OP posts:
Gulable · 10/10/2019 20:00

He just said he wanted me to come back to a clean house ! I didn’t mention the crockery as I didn’t put two and two together then. It was only earlier this year when I mentioned that China he said he never uses it !

What has really got me thinking is that his son told me recently that I should get away from him cos he’s a c—. t (they had, had an argument)

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 10/10/2019 20:02

Good advice. You should follow it

FudgeBrownie2019 · 10/10/2019 20:06

When someone warns you of something but has nothing to gain from your warning, you should probably listen to them.

Your trust is gone; no matter what he did/didn't do, you deserve more than to waste another day with someone you can't trust. Don't give him any more of your time. Cut your losses and let him live his life of fancy-china-using riley. He'll work it out eventually, probably once you're happy elsewhere.

Insomnic · 11/10/2019 06:56

Im in exactly the same position as you - i know he is cheating but he wont admit. It drives you insane you want to believe them so badly and without concrete proof its very difficult to get them to confess. Ive decided i cant be with someone who i dont trust and lies to my face. Its gonna be tough cos i do still love him but no one should have to live their life in this torture these lying cheating men put you through. Leave him like im leaving mine.

NabooThatsWho · 11/10/2019 07:00

How long are you willing to hang round in that miserable relationship? Months? Years? Waiting for proof you might never get.
You know you can’t trust him. Just go now.

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