my dm is coming to visit next week for a couple of days and I'm getting myself worked up about it and dreading it. usually I enjoy her coming as it lightens the load for me bit and she'll babysit to let me and dh havr a break.
urgh I don't know where to start. sorry if I ramble.
until recently, within the last 12 month's I'd say, we have gotten on ok. I try to set boundaries and she usually respects them to an extent. as in sometimes she questions me or makes a face but I can stand quite firm. I usually let anything she says or does that is a bit annoying just wash over me. my husband and I will then vent to each other and have a laugh about it after she's gone.
recently though she's been really getting to me. I've been finding her particularly negative, critical, judgemental and unsupportive. I don't know if she's worse or if it's me as I've been feeling anxious and down to the extent that I've been to the gp and am shortly having councilling.
I find it difficult to know what's worth bringing up and letting go as everything she's doing now annoys me.
I also recently read that book doing the rounds "the book you wish your parents read" and it made me really sad. I look back on my child hood really negatively and I don't know how much of that was her (she was controlling and negative) and or how much was down to my father being very phyisically abusive to her and emotionally to us all. she managed to eventually leave him when I was 12 and we haven't seen him since. but I wonder if these events negatively taint everything else about my childhood and is a bit unfair on dm.
so wise mumsnetters. should i have it out with her or just start calling her out on her behaviour on an individual basis? something else?
somethings seem really petty, like giving the dc lots of junk and moving things around my house but added up over time really bug me. and then there's bigger things like telling my 7 year old that my toddler should be potty trained. why is she speaking to a child about things like thay! its weird and disrespectful to be questioning my parenting to my children.
that's just an example. just generally being judgemental and unsupportive about all my parenting. and i find that shes very negative difficult to deal with at the moment. it seems like nothing positive comes out her mouth.
I should add she does have her good points. she is helpful with the dc and would and has dropped everything to come and help out in an emergency. the dc love her and get so excited about her coming.
I would like to sort things out with her. shes my mum and means well. and if for no other reason than she is then only person who does any childcare for us and it's nice to have a break sometimes. especially as I've been feeling very overwhelmed recently.
any insight and advise gratefully received. sorry for spelling and grammar errors I am on my phone.