Let down after date

[Anony95]

I'm starting to get really down about not having a partner. I've been single 2 and a half years now, my ex was emotionally abusive and refused to work, so I'm not desperate to be with anyone but I can't find commitment from ANYONE.

My last date was so promising. It was crazy how much we had in common, laughing and talking the whole way through, bit of hand holding, kiss at the end, saying we wanted to see each other again. He lives extremely close by, a 5 minute walk. It seemed perfect.

Then his texts got dull, me initiating it, him saying he's busy (which is true but... no one is THAT busy). Days later I see he's updated his tinder bio, so clearly looking for someone new without telling me, while I'm waiting to hear back from him about the second date availability.

I asked about it and he's defensive saying loads of people casually date and see multiple people. This is true but I've never suggested being casual or seeing other people. It's too early for a relationship of course but I felt so strung along just to be knocked down in seeing that he's looking for new people. I really did not expect that from him, other guys yeah but not this one.

It's left me so down and tearful that no matter how well you click with someone, what's the point if there's a prettier girl round the corner for them to find? I don't think I'll ever find someone.

I stopped using the apps for this very reason. There was too much messing about, weird behaviour, sleaziness and feeling like you're only around til something better comes along.

I'm happier out of it. I hope someone turns up in real life to sweep me off my feet but I'm not holding my breath

Move on and keep looking I had a date like this sparks hand holding kissing that he instigated and after the date he went all weird and said he couldn't see me again because he was moving abroad lol anyway a few more dates later I met my bf on pof been together coming on 6 years and have a 2 year old son and live together dont give up !

Online dating can be soul destroying to say the least! It’s so hard to not take it personally when someone doesn’t want to see you again.

I started meeting people fairly soon after first chatting so I didn’t feel like I had invested any time into them, I found it was easier to walk away with no hard feelings and I found I knew if I wanted to see them again once I met them face to face.

Sorry about your last date but onwards and upwards, ask him if he wants to see you again, if he stalls the unmatch and move on!

I think that’s just the way it works and some people do see multiple people until they go steady with one. It doesn’t mean you won’t meet someone.

I agree Tinder is destroying dating culture. Seemingly endless options & it makes people very shallow. Personally I find first dates are a trial run to feel out another person & that may include a kiss & cuddle, but it doesn’t always make me want to lead to a 2nd date. Sometimes am having a good time but later upon reflection there will be something that makes me feel less excited about pursuing another date...I’m like you & when you click you naturally want to make time for that person & enjoy each others’ company, rather than going out with someone else on what could potentially be a bad/awkward 1st date, when have already had a great time with someone else recently. My brain doesn’t work when chatting to multiple people, as it would make me forget who has said what.

PhannyPharts... ditto. If it happens it happens but never again will I do online. Ridiculous experience & not in a good way.

Multi-dating until you’re reasonably sure that somebody is who they say they are and is somebody you want to pursue any kind of further relationship with is sensible. Stopping any further search for anyone else after a first date and investing in the idea of a future together before you know anything about somebody is ridiculous: on date three or four there could be a revelation that they’re a BNP voter, or spent time in jail for killing their mother, or even just a general conversation which makes it clear you don’t share the same life goals at all and so there’s no point trying to take things further. By which point, you’ve essentially wasted a whole load of time and stopped promising conversations with other people which could have led somewhere if you hadn’t.

If you were job-hunting, would you stop applying for anything else because you’d been given a date for an interview for one?

OLD is not for you - certainly not tinder or POF or anything similar.
It's brutal.
You need to have a very strong stomach to go there as you are finding out.
Try something like Elite Singles.
Tinder and the likes are hook up sites!