Feeling sad for DH re birth mum

[newnameforthisonetonight]

I've name changed for this as it's a sensitive subject for DH and I wouldn't want to upset him or his family.

Basically my DH was adopted as a young child. This year he decided he wanted to find out about his birth parents so he contacted the relevant departments and had his file opened. At the moment he hasn't told his adopted family but does intend to when he feels able.
As well as finding out the circumstances around his adoption there were letters from his birth mum. Really sweet letters encouraging him to get in touch. He decided that he would like to do just that and wants to write a letter. The social worker dealing with his case contacted his birth mum and asked if she would be open to receiving a letter from him. They've had no response.
He doesn't really like to talk about it but I know it's hurting him, she seemed really open to hearing from him. I understand it's a huge thing for both of them but it really feels like false hope. He psyched himself up to contact this woman and he's really doubting that it'll happen at all. He feels rejected all over again.

How long has it been since the sw sent the letter?

Who verified his birth mother's current address and have you checked it's correct?

Has the bm married and changed her name? It could be that she hasn't told her current partner/husband about your dh and there could be reasons why she doesn't want to do so which may be contributing to or causing the lack of response.

Your dh should not be feeling rejected - he's had two loving mothers and should feel blessed,

Alternatively, she may be away from home and unaware of the sw's letter.

What contingency plan does the sw have for this situation? WIll they send another letter or call the bm?

Would he think about doing a DNA test. He could possibly track down his birth mother through other family members who may have done the test.

As far as I know the ball is in her court. They've contacted her to ask if she'd be ok to hear from him. No reply. She updated her contact details herself so we're assuming they're right. It's been about 6 weeks/2 months.
Without being too outing he doesn't have the greatest relationship with his adoptive parents. I imagine taking a child on was difficult and they've done their best, he wasn't mistreated by them or anything they just aren't close.
He's very aware that as far as we know her situation has moved on a great deal since the time of his adoption and she does have a new family however the letters she wrote weren't written at the time of his adoption but years later. That's why if he doesn't hear from her he won't push it, he doesn't want to damage the life she has now. He was just so encouraged by her letters that this wasn't how he saw this going.

I’m wondering whether the SW has the correct contact details. Surely you can’t risk sending such a sensitive letter to an address which may no longer belong to the recipient. I don’t know how it works.

Sorry XP.

well it’s positive that she’s updated her contact details recently. If she’d decided against ever meeting him, she could have just slipped away.

I don't understand why the sw has left it so long before sending another letter. Snail mail isn't always reliable; the letter could have gone astray or been delivered to an incorrect address.

When updating her details, did the bm leave a phone number?