Found out BIL is cheating

[tanmomusa1]

I've started and deleted this post so many times, but I feel I need outsiders opinion

Last week I found out my BIL( Husbands brother) cheated on SIL(more than once so a choice not a terrible 1 off mistake)
aside from the shittyness of his actions, how sick I feel knowing this, having to see my SIL who I love, the kids and all of that awfulness which I feel is another thread (BIl has serious control issues over SIL)

Its my Husband, the fact he knew but didn't tell me, when cornered still denied it, conversation went
Me- tell me who BIL cheated on SIL with
H- no-one
Repeat this 5 times till I told him I had seen the messages between H & BIL

He then still tried to front it out I was wrong very defensive in his answers -
H's response to these messages from his brother boasting about it?
"lol" or "sounds fun" & "yeah i'll delete these (messages)"
nowhere to be seen was WTF are you doing, to your wife, your kids

God I'm so sickened by him, is this his blasé attitude to cheating
is it Bro's before girls? Not hating on the woman as she was single but knew BIl was married & 'was fine with it' he is the one in the wrong
brotherly code of honor?
I did go HAM- and voiced my totally disgust at the BIl and H for this shitty behaviour
What about me his wife, mother of his children where the fuck is his moral compass,

this has made me question the whole marriage as I feel I don't know him, he lied to my face, didn't share it with me, and also is telling me to mind my own business essentially by saying keep out, their circus/monkeys

I want to tell BIL I know, i really do. he was an arse, prior to this, so I feel its colouring my view
H said he will 'decide if and when he will tell BIL i know" erm will you now? I will not be controlled like that, but I'm also scared of letting off that bomb.
I really thought id married the kind supportive, better dad, better husband out of the two brothers -

FYI I know this does not compare to my poor SIL who does not deserve this shit,

Your husbands response tells you everything. Your can't trust your husband. "sounds fun" really?

I know, what makes me question why I cant tell BIl I know,
maybe he has dirt on H ? maybe that's why I've to stay out of it,
since this argument H has been trying to do right, doing more housework, getting those odd jobs done, doing more with the kids etc, appears to be trying and has also made the right noises of disapoving of his brothers actions but for me, its been forced he was quite happy to text him about it before I knew..

Your poor SIL. I really feel for her. I hope she takes your BIL to the cleaners.

I think you need to have a serious chat with your DH about his attitude to cheating and it is totally up to you whether you call him out. FWIW I think you should tell the BIL you know and call him out on absolutely shitty behaviour. I think we need more people to stand up and say that cheating is wrong and has a huge impact on the person who is cheated on / children involved.

Maybe he knows his brother is a serial cheat and doesnt feel its his place to say anything.
My sil cheated and my wife told me on pain of death was i to tell her i knew or tell bil. And as she is my wifes sister i wasnt my place to get involved even though I like bil far more than i like sil.

Oh you poor thing, I don’t envy you one bit!!

Part A) BIL was a shit head before this, you live your SIL, I’d tell her

Part B) DH. Being totally honest I’m not sure what I would do, but what I would like to think I would do is to tell him that the marriage is over because he lied to me, he encouraged his DB to cheat on this lovely SIL and becayse you will NOT be ‘controlled’ by him and you will NOT be waiting around for him to have ‘a bit of fun’ as he seems to think it’s no issue in a marriage.

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.

I can see why you'd be second guessing your own marriage. Your dh's responses are pathetic. I think you need a long serious talk with him to say you cannot condone this. Does he not get on with his SIL? Is he usually like this with his brother and thinks him cheating is fine?

Your BIL needs to leave his wife because clearly he's incapable of being faithful and she deserves better. Either way I'd be making it clear you will be telling her if this isn't sorted out one way or another. That isn't your dh's call. Have their parents ever cheated? Just wondering if your FIL was a cheat too.