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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

33 weeks pregnant and he decides to tell me now...

22 replies

Wellthatsashock · 09/10/2019 20:04

So I’ve been with my partner for just over a year fell pregnant quite quickly with twins. We moved in together into a rented house in his name with my DD (7). Things were OK usual pregnancy stresses.

The last few weeks he’s got very quiet and huffy. When we argue (and I argue I’m no saint) he will tell me to fuck off and fuck up which I hate ex used to say the same and I told Dp why I don’t like it. Anyway today had a hosp appt (I have to go every two weeks for scans) and he was off work so came with me. This morning he painted the babies room. After hospital we went to my mums to collectDD and he sat on his phone the whole time.

When we left I said to him tha it was rude and I never sit on my phone when we visit his family he then didn’t talk to me the whole way home. When we got home I said to him we needed to talk again he blew up told me I needed to fucking wise up and that I’m a nag and hard work.

Then he said that I was the one that wanted all this he never wanted to move in together and that he was fed up with me. I don’t feel like this is an in the heat of the argument thing I think he actually means it. Wth do I do our rental is in his name my twins are due to be here in 3-3.5 weeks and my DD also to think about so stressed

OP posts:

Lagatha · 09/10/2019 20:06

Can you go to your mum's?
Sorry op, he's a bastard

AnotherEmma · 09/10/2019 20:07

Was it a planned pregnancy?
What was the reasoning behind moving yourself and your DD into his house without putting yourself on the tenancy agreement?
You need to find yourself somewhere else to live because this one is not a keeper and he's not going to take care of you and your children so you need to start doing that yourself.

Original poster

Wellthatsashock · 09/10/2019 20:09

I can’t get a rental agreement because of my credit history so it had to be in his name. I can’t go to my mums there’s no room

Pregnancy wasn’t planned. He’s making me
Feel like my ex was right about me two men can’t both be wrong

OP posts:

AnotherEmma · 09/10/2019 20:13

No you've just been picking bad ones, that's the only thing wrong with you!

Could you apply for social housing?

Are you working atm?

june2007 · 09/10/2019 20:16

Why doo I get the feeling there is more to this?

DocusDiplo · 09/10/2019 20:16

Oh, OP. Poor you. Good luck with everything. Stay single a while. Look after yourself with three little ones. No more men....

Original poster

Wellthatsashock · 09/10/2019 20:18

I do work full time not entitled to social housing. I have asked if he will leave but he says he will only do it on his terms when it suits him so I just have to play a waiting game

OP posts:

PointlessUsername · 09/10/2019 20:23

If you and he split up and you have nowhere to go with 3 dc you would be entitled to social housing.

DonKeyshot · 09/10/2019 20:32

Two, or ten, men can easily be wrong and it seems to me that you've replaced your ex with another of the same ilk, if not from the same mould.

It seems highly unlikely that he'll change his ways and I very much doubt this relationship will survive the onslaught of twins

Where were you living before you moved in with him?

I suggest you visit your local council housing office, apply to be placed on their waiting list and ask whether they operate any scheme that can help you find a private landlord who will rent to you and your soon to be 3 children despite your chequered credit rating,

DonKeyshot · 09/10/2019 20:35

As you have dc, your local council has a statutory duty in law to provide accomodation for you if you are evicted or have nowhere to live.
.

MadeForThis · 09/10/2019 20:36

He will only get worse when the stress of two babies arrives.

cacklingmags · 09/10/2019 20:38

Bloody hell what a nasty arse he is. If you have nowhere to go can you stay put and try to encourage him to leave. Live separately, but politely from him. If he does not want his own children he won't want to stay in a place with crying babies, especially if you can exaggerate the chaos. I recognise that this is the nuclear option and very hard on you emotionally, but would seem the best way to take care of the children.
Very sorry for your horrible situation OP, you must look after of yourself

SleepingStandingUp · 09/10/2019 20:41

It isn't that they're both right OP it's that you keep falling for the same idiots.

If the house is in just his name, I'd get down the local council / social housing office tomorrow and talk to someone. Explain you were living with your partner but the relationship has broke up and you have no where to go. See what advice tbry have.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/10/2019 20:42

Oh dear. Well the council have to house you and he’s not going to move out and pay the rent for you and he to each have a place. Where were you living before?

It’s all a bit shit for your daughter isn’t it. New step dad, moving in so fast, two new siblings on the way in no time at all, now about to lose her home.

Talk to your midwife about what steps you can take to secure housing if he goes ahead and asks you to leave, things aren’t going to get better between you when the babies are here.

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 09/10/2019 21:13

I’m so sorry OP this is an awful situation for you. It’s 100% not ok for him to have blown up at you like that and you should NOT feel guilty about it.

I say this as softly as possible, but that is an awful lot to have happened in the space of a year.
I’m currently in my second trimester of a planned pregnancy and its been dismal for our marriage. Hormones have made me a volatile, irritable, nightmare! Pregnancy is HARD (I’ve had HG too) and honestly I have such little patience for DH right now and that’s been a hard adjustment for him.

I think the years we’ve spent together (really good times) and the fact we chose this is what’s getting us through. I guess what I’m trying to say is, putting SUCH a big test on SUCH a new relationship is so hard and maybe it’s better to take a step back now and focus on his role as the babies dad rather than your partner. All of the arguing won’t be good for anyone and he’s certainly not your priority right now.

Straycatstrut · 09/10/2019 21:14

I moved in with my Ex (first real 'boyfriend' age 23) after less than 2 years and got pregnant straight away. Same situation, looking back he just wasn't "there" and I wish I'd had more experience with men to recognise the signs.

It'll tip you right over if you have the babies whilst you're together. Being a single parent is a gruelling FT job with over time every night (sometimes well into the night!), but It's so much easier without a selfish manbaby bullying you and then expecting sex and meals and clean clothes. And you'll be so so proud that you brought up your DC e!all by yourself. It makes a strong woman out of you believe me!

Original poster

Wellthatsashock · 09/10/2019 21:49

Me and my daughter had been on our own for three years in a rented house which was just too small for 3 extra people...I had got the rental agreement before my credit rating took
A hit (which was bevause of my ex I took loans out in my name to do up ‘our’ house but only his was on the mortgage I am a silly girl)

I love this house already my daughter is so happy here. There is a year long wait for council here it’s ridiculous plus before u get a house you’re offered a hostel. I know it doesn’t seem it but my DD is my main priority in life I wouldn’t. Have moved in with him so quick if I hadn’t fell pregnant.

OP posts:

DonKeyshot · 09/10/2019 22:03

If your ex fraudulently took out loans in your name you should report him to the police,

I'm sorry to say that it doesn't seem as if your dd is your main priority and, with all of the contraceptive aids/morning after pills etc available to us, I fail to understand why this board sees so many threads about accidental pregnancy in early relationships.

Nevertheless, I wish you well. Twins are special and, hopefully, your dd will love her new siblings and won't feel displaced by their arrival.

Original poster

Wellthatsashock · 09/10/2019 22:07

I didn’t skip a pill...I had started taking a weight loss supplement that caused my tummy to be a little funny for a few days but I didn’t think that would have affected it I found out I was pregnant later than normal as it was a complete shock

OP posts:

Mermaidsinthesand · 09/10/2019 22:10

You can still get private rental with poor credit rating, contact shelter they may know of a local charity to help you obtain a house and help with deposit. I know they do this as a few in my area I donate money too

You need to think practical, he wont leave I also suspect he wants a get our clause from the twins too. I wouldn't expect any help off him but make sure he pay maintenance. Talk to your mum see if she will help you with money or anything you need to get out of this

nancyjuice7 · 09/10/2019 22:15

I agree with @DonKeyshot About the pregnancy, must have known him 7 weeks and got pregnant/kept the pregnancy. I cant comprehend how you thought this would end any differently but can't change that now.

Report to the council as homeless, say he has given you a week to get out. Unless your earning over 30k you'll get some UC, and support to gain your own private rent or social housing, even more so given your pregnant and have a child.
I feel for your daughter to as within a year she's known an adult, gained two siblings and then lost that adult again. Hmmmmm

Original poster

Wellthatsashock · 09/10/2019 23:04

Sorry when I say together just over a year I mean officially we had been dating from jan 2018 officially became a ‘couple’ sept 2018

OP posts:

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