Should I push for the truth?

[marzipanballsrule]

Been with DH for 22 years, we have 2 DS who are at high school and generally tick along ok

Recently he's smelt of cigarettes - not unusual as his best mate smokes and he usually sees him regularly, I've asked if he's smoking (we both gave up 15 years ago) and he denies it

Last week I found a box of Nicorette in the garage and when I asked why he had them he went ballistic and accused me of poking around and said it was none of my business

I've asked him about this twice and he refuses to say why he has them and says it's none of my business but states he's not smoking

Logically I cannot think of any other explanation other than he's been smoking which I'm not bothered about but I hate lies and he knows it

He now accuses me of starting trouble and arguments if I mention it, still won't say why he has the bloody stuff - what's he hiding? Am I being unreasonable?

Well I suspect he just feels a bit embarrassed/ashamed of it and would rather keep it to himself.

I understand you don't like lies but he is entitled to a private life without having to reveal it all to you.

Is it for one of the DS?

He’s guilty as charged. The phrase “me thinks the lady (in this case “man”) doth protest too much” comes to mind
He’s feeling guilty he’s been rumbled and he’s taking his anger and frustration at himself out on you.

Whether it’s a newly bought packet or from before I don’t know. I’m thinking new. Check the sell by date if they have one, compare to the ones currently on sale in shops. If his seems old he may have had it a while but just had to go back on it recently. Which doesn’t surprise me if he hangs out with a smoker. It must be tempting if he’s had a bad day. Perhaps things are worrying him just now?

@Momniscient nope DS def not smoking

Is the smoking or the lying about the smoking the issue for you?

@Momniscient nope DS def not smoking

It's the lies, not too bothered if he smokes as it's his decision and he knows this

Not sure what the point would be of pushing it. As you say it's his choice. If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's his business.

If you don't like lying / concealment, then that's something separate that you need to consider.

It's an untruth if he is smoking and denies it but lie is a bit strong.